


The Wounds We Heal, and Those We Don't

by wingedflower



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Bonding, But things will get better after they get worse!, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody's just suffering, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance appreciation, Langst, Non-Linear Narrative, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Seriously this is probably the angstiest thing I've ever written, Team as Family, everyone is a mess, healer lance, healing pod au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-12 10:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedflower/pseuds/wingedflower
Summary: The time Lance has spent in the cryopod, being the first human ever to do so, results in him getting healing abilities. As first sight, it seems like a blessing - but some wounds cannot be healed so easily, as the team learns the hard way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys. GUYS. It's my first multi-chapter fic! I'm so excited, I've never written anything longer than a one-shot. What the hell was I thinking, lol.
> 
> Some important notes before we dive in:  
> \- This is an AU which takes place rather early in the series - right after episode 5 of season 1, to be precise.  
> \- There is a lot of made-up sciene in this fic. Like... a lot. But I don't feel too bad about it, because the show hadn't exactly told us much about quintessence and how the cryopods work (yet), so I allowed myself to take some liberties. I'm definitely not the first writer who does that, so I think I'm good. Anyway, the focus of this fic is on Lance and his relationships with his friends, so leave the math to Pidge (see what I did there :P)  
> \- There will be elaborate descriptions of blood in later chapters. It doesn't really get gorier than that, but if this triggers you in any way, please read at your own risk.  
> \- This fic is pretty much complete! I have all the chapters written out, but I still have some editing to do. So the plan is to post a new chapter every 3-4 days - but I don't have a lot of free time, so I can't make any promises!
> 
> Anyway, enough babbling. Please enjoy the first chapter! It's kinda humorous and light-hearted, but don't get your hopes too high (or too low?) because things are DEFINITELY going to get messier after that. Prepare your angst glands.

They found out about Lance's new ability barely two hours after he got out of the healing pod.

No matter how much he insisted that he was fine after putting some food in his system, Coran and Allura still ordered him to take it easy for the rest of the day. "Your body still needs to shake off the last remnants of the cryo, and it might take a few vargas," Coran explained. "Don't worry, there will still be plenty of work to be done tomorrow, so you might as well enjoy your day off while it lasts."

And there was plenty of work to be done indeed. The castle took quite some damage after Sendak's attack, especially the crystal room, which was half-destroyed after the explosion and the battle which took place in it. But Lance hated feeling useless while all of his friends were working, and he wasn't tired enough to go to bed; so he settled for hanging in the crystal room where Coran, Keith and Hunk worked, promising he won't do anything except for keeping them company.

So there he was when it happened, sitting on the floor next to Hunk who hammered a piece of metal to the wall, the two of them chattering about nothing in particular.

" _Ow!_ " Hunk yelped all of a sudden, dropping the hammer he was holding to the floor. His hand shot to his mouth and he sucked hard on his thumb, his face scrunched in pain. "Owowowowo, oh my gosh..." he moaned, slapping his thigh frantically with his other hand.

"Oh no, did you hit your thumb?" Lance rushed to his friend's side. Hunk moaned again in response, and Lance sighed in empathy. "Man, this probably hurts like hell. Come on, let me see." Hunk looked reluctant, but eventually pulled his thumb out of his mouth and held it in front of Lance, whimpering weakly. The thumb was already an angry shade of red and swollen slightly.

"Hmm, let's see... It doesn't look broken from here..." Lance took Hunk's thumb in his palm, careful not to hurt his friend further.

Two things happened at once. Lance's palm glowed in a bright, blue light; and Hunk's thumb instantly shrank back to its original size and color, as if it has never been hit.

"WHAT THE QUIZKNAK?!" Lance screamed and let go of Hunk's thumb, tumbling backwards. Hunk shot to a standing position, looking just as shocked as Lance. "Dude," he panted, staring at Lance with wide eyes. "What... what did you just _do_?!"

"I - I - I don't know!" Lance stammered, his voice still squeaky with panic. He took another step backwards until his back met the wall. "I didn't - I - _what!_ "

"Will you shut your mouth already?!" Keith snapped from the other side of the room. "Just because you're supposed to be resting doesn't mean you can scream like a madman and disturb those who are actually trying to get some work done!"

"Keith, you don't understand," Hunk said, his eyes still fixated on Lance. "Lance just _magically cured_ my thumb."

Keith snorted. "Yeah, right. And I have two heads."

"Keith, I swear this on the castle's entire supply of food goo," Hunk said, and that finally got Keith's attention. He turned around sharply and walked towards them, wiping sweat off his face. "Okay, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.

Hunk pointed at Lance. "He touched my thumb to examine it and then his hand just - _glowed -_  like a freakin' _spell_ or something - and my thumb felt really cold for a second but then it stopped hurting and it was _healed!_ Look! Look at how healed it is!!!" he waved his thumb at Keith's face, nearly sticking it in the other boy's eye. Keith jerked away and caught Hunk's arm, pushing it away from his face. He frowned and glanced at Lance, who was still glued to the wall, too shaken to speak. "Are you sure you didn't imagine it?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh, so everything that's happened to us since we left the Garrison makes sense to you, but one of us having superpowers is suddenly too hard to believe?" Hunk deadpanned.

"What is all this talking I'm hearing about magically cured organs?" Coran popped up behind Keith so suddenly that the younger boy jumped in his place. He stifled a cry of surprise and ran a hand in his hair nervously. "Hunk claims that Lance did some kind of magic to heal his injured thumb."

"Hmm, so humans are gifted with healing powers? I don't recall reading anything about your species referring to this quality," Coran tinkered with the edge of his moustache as he watched Lance with interest.

"That's because humans are _not_ supposed to be gifted with healing powers," Hunk said. "I mean, maybe in certain TV shows they are, but that's not real life - "

"Oh _come on_ ," Keith rolled his eyes. He reached down to his left pant leg and rolled it up, revealing a long, thin cut on his shin. "There. I got this about an hour ago when I stumbled on a few boxes in the storage room. If Lance truly has... powers, then it shouldn't be a problem for him to heal _this._ " He looked at Lance impatiently. "Come on, work you _magic,_ or whatever."

The last sentence finally snapped Lance back to reality. He released a shaky breath and staggered towards Keith, looking very reluctant. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he mumbled. "I don't want to... I mean... what if I hurt you?"

"Why would you hurt him?" Hunk said. "You just made my thumb _better_ , not worse!"

"Whatever you do, I'm sure I can handle it," Keith said flatly. "Now go on, I don't have all day."

Lance hesitated, but the red paladin's glare made it very clear that if he didn't act in the next few seconds Keith would force him to, so he knelt down next to him, staring at the superficial wound uncomfortably. Then he reached out and placed his palm against it. The blue glow appeared instantly between his hand and Keith's leg, and the cut started to close so quickly that barely five seconds have passed before it vanished completely, leaving nothing but pink, healthy skin.

Hunk and Coran gasped in awe while Lance snatched his hand back as if it was bitten, holding it close to his chest. His face turned about ten shades paler. Keith looked pretty dumbfounded himself - his jaw dropped and his eyes darted from his leg to Lance and back to his leg, unbelieving.

"What the Quiznak," he said eventually.

**

"Hmm, yes, very interesting..." Coran mumbled to himself as he swiped through the holograms which floated in front of him, filled with graphs and charts nobody except for him seemed to understand. "Yes, yes... it all makes sense now, though I must say I've never seen anything like that before..."

"Let me see," Allura leaned on Coran's shoulder and looked at the charts, wrinkling her forehead in concentration. After a few moments, her eyes widened in shock. "This is astounding! But - how come the pod did not inform us of this earlier? This type of anomaly should have been reported..."

"That's the point, princess, the pod had probably failed to recognize it as an anomaly, and considered it as part of the standard healing process..."

"Hey, move over, I want to see what you guys are talking about!" Pidge jumped up and down behind both of them, trying desperately to get a peek at the data even though it was all written in Altean.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure this whole scientific mumbo-jumbo is very interesting, but can you please continue it later and explain _why the hell do I have magic powers?!_ " Lance screeched, his voice echoing across the entire med bay. Coran had summoned everyone there after the incident in the crystal room, and that was where they spent the last half varga, watching anxiously as he ran numerous tests and scans on Lance. Lance himself was sitting at the edge of one of the beds while Coran worked through the results, looking downright horrified. The hoodie of his jacket was pulled over his head and he was doing his best to hug himself.

"Patience, Lance," Allura scolded, but Coran hushed her as he turned to Lance. "My boy, you are in perfect physical condition - actually, more than perfect. The most appropriate term, in my opinion, would be _improved_ physical condition - "

"Get to the point," Keith barked. He was trying to keep a straight face as he leaned against the wall and folded his arms, though it was clear he was nearly as nervous as Lance.

Coran's moustache twitched at the interruption, but he immediately returned his attention to Lance. "The results of the tests indicate that the cryopod you stayed in not only healed your injuries, but also charged your body with some of its healing abilities by directly manipulating your quintessence."

The silence in the room was so thick that only the low, steady buzzing of the medical devices was heard. It was finally interrupted by Hunk, who asked in a high voice, "What do you mean, 'manipulating quintessence'? I thought those things were only supposed to heal cuts and bruises and stuff like that, not to mess with our quintessence." 

"Actually, we had no reason to think otherwise until today," Allura admitted. "We've never encountered a case like this in the history of the castle. However... we think we might know what caused it."

"The cryopods are programmed to deal with the biology of many species from all parts of the universe, but not Earthians," Coran said. "Since Lance has been the first Earthian ever to step in a pod, we believe that his foreign biology confused the machine and caused the overapplication of the healing procedure - not only curing the damaged parts, but also the undamaged parts, which meant super-charging his quintessence with healing qualities."

"It makes more sense when you think of Lance's unique quintessence," Allura added. "He is the paladin of the Blue Lion, the guardian of water; water are the element most associated with healing, purification and rehabilitation - it is the type of quintessence most prone to undergo such manipulation."

"Does this mean that if it was any of the other paladins, this wouldn't have happened?" Shiro asked.

"Since you're all humans, whose biology was unfamiliar to the cryopods until today, I'm afraid we don't know the answer to this question," Allura shook her head. "Either way, it doesn't matter anymore, because this won't happen again."

Everyone's heads whipped at her direction.

"What? Why?" Pidge asked sharply.

"I ran some tests on the cryopods as well," Coran said, "and it seems that the moment Lance was released from his pod, it updated the system with his data, so now all the pods are familiar with human biology and physiology as they are with any other species. Given that, from now on the pods will be able to handle every human they take in, without making changes to its quintessence or anything beyond the medical condition which requires repair."

"Did you hear that, buddy? You're special!" Hunk bumped Lance's shoulder excitedly, but Lance only shrank further into himself. He didn't seem too happy about the news - in fact, he looked more like he was going to throw up.

"Lance, are you alright?" Shiro asked gently.

Lance blinked and shook his head several times, clearing his throat. "Yeah, sorry," he said in a hoarse voice, staring at the floor. "It's just that I... well, it's a lot to take in."

"I thought you'd be more hyped about that," Pidge said in disappointment. "I mean, you have to admit, that's pretty cool. You're basically a superhero now! Honestly, I'd trade places with you any time."

"Well, too bad you didn't get to be the first one to almost die in an explosion so you can win magic powers," Lance hissed. Almost immediately, he blushed and ran a hand over his face. "Ugh, sorry. It's been a weird couple of days, that's all." He turned to Coran and Allura. "So... this is just the way I am from now on? It's not temporary? How can we even know for sure?"

"I don't see any reason for this to be temporary. It is your quintessence which underwent change - the very definition of who you are," Coran said. "It's not something that you can simply get rid of; it is your core, your lifeblood."

Lance released a short, somewhat hysterical laughter. "Jeez, Coran, way to calm down a guy." He sighed and tapped his chin in thought. "Well, I guess this could be useful to us..."

"It sure can," Keith said. "I mean, if one of us is hurt during battle, we don't have to retreat and get to a healing pod - we can just use your powers and keep fighting."

"Wait a minute, we don't know anything about the extent of Lance's abilities," Shiro said. "We only saw him heal very superficial wounds - we don't know if he's strong enough to heal more serious injuries, not to mention life-threatening ones."

"Well, it's not exactly something we can check now," Hunk muttered. "Unless somebody volunteer to crash their lion or something... not it!" he added quickly.

"I'm sure Keith would be happy to do it," Lance said mischievously, some of his usual confidence returning to his speech. Keith glared at him in exasperation.

"Nobody is going to crush their lion," Shiro said in a serious tone. "And I hope it's clear to everyone that we _cannot_ allow ourselves to be get reckless in battle from now on. We're going to be just as careful as we were before - even more - but, if something _does_ happen, well, it's a good thing we have Lance to cover us now." He sent Lance a warm smile and Lance beamed at him. The tension seemed to finally be lifted off his shoulders.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here's the second chapter! Things are going to get interesting. :)
> 
> Also, I know I've already mentioned it, but I'll say it again just to be clear - this fic includes TOTALLY MADE-UP SCIENCE. It means that I wrote all the scientific-medical stuff in a way that goes along with the story I had in mind. I have zero idea how quintessence works, people.

The chance to put Lance's powers to the test came about a week later during training. The paladins were taking turns in sparring with the gladiator bots, and while Pidge managed to hold her own for a while, it took one misjudged step for the gladiator to send her tumbling to the ground. Unfortunately she landed straight on her right arm, with such impact that the others could practically here the joint _crack_ from where they watched. She screamed in agony and curled on the floor.

"Pidge!" the others were instantly by her side (but not before Allura deactivated the gladiator so it wouldn't try to finish the job), and Shiro reached out to her gingerly. "Pidge, are you okay?"

"Do I look like I'm okay?" Pidge groaned, squinting her eyes shut as tears of pains started to shimmer at the edges. "For the love of..." she hissed a sequence of curse words which would have probably made Shiro tell her off if she wasn't in so much pain.

"We need to check your arm, see if anything's broken," Coran said and tried to touch Pidge's arm plate in order to take it off, but Pidge only yelped and rolled away from him, clutching the injured arm protectively with her good one.

"Judging by her reaction, it's definitely broken," Keith said grimly. "We need to take her to the med bay. Maybe she needs to spend some time in a pod. It won't take long if it's only a broken arm, right?"

"Um, guys?" Lance said suddenly, stepping forward. "We don't need the med bay. We have a human cryopod right here, remember?" he pointed at himself, grinning.

Keith's shoulders dropped. "Oh, right. I forgot."

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god, Lance is finally going to do the magic thing!" Hunk squeaked, clapping his hands in anticipation.

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen, step aside and prepare to be amazed," Lance knelt in front of Pidge, rubbing his hands together. "Pidge, I think I'm going to need to remove your armor for this to work."

"And I think I'll totally throw up if you do that," Pidge moaned, not even bothering to lift her head. "Can't your magic go through armor?"

"To be honest, I have no idea," Lance said. He placed both his palms on Pidge's armor, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his face scrunched in concentration. Everybody in the room held their breaths for five, ten, fifteen seconds, but nothing happened. Lance opened his eyes and removed his hands. "Sorry pal, this isn't working," he said, sounding genuinely sorry. "Come on, Pidge, I know it's going to hurt real bad, but it'll only last two seconds, and then you'll feel just like new. I promise."

Pidge opened one eye to peek at him, then signed in defeat, dropping her left arm to the ground. "Just get this over with."

Lance smiled and patted her knee in comfort. "Shiro, can you hold her for a moment?"

Shiro nodded and moved to Pidge's other side, gently but firmly pressing her shoulder and waist to ground her to the floor. Lance reached out and grabbed her right arm plate, yanked it off in a quick, smooth movement, and let it clatter on the floor.

" _Ah!_ " Pidge yelled and tried to scoot away, but Shiro held her tight. "Shh, it's okay," he soothed. "Lance is going to help you now."

Pidge didn't reply, just let out a weak whine and looked at Lance tiredly.

Lance placed his hands as gently as he could on Pidge's wrist, barely touching it. The wrist was twisted in a very wrong angle and already started to swell; it was definitely broken. Lance took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, and soon the blue glow they were all waiting for appeared under his palms, growing bigger and bigger until it enveloped her entire lower arm like a halo, from the tips of her fingers to her elbow.

"Holy _shit_ ," Hunk whispered, completely mesmerized. The others stayed silent, although judging from their expressions they were thinking exactly the same thing.

The ball of light suddenly glowed so hard that it nearly hurt their eyes, and then dimmed slightly. Pidge opened her eyes and lifted her head, looking a lot more alert of her surroundings than before. "Hey, I think it's working!" she called. "It hurts less and less with every passing second... holy shit, Lance, you've actually just repaired my bones!"

"Not finished yet," Lance said through gritted teeth. His palms were still planted firmly on Pidge's wrist, but his arms started to shake, and a sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead and above his upper lip.

Pidge's eyes widened. "Whoa, dude, are you okay? Y-you can stop now, I'm good. Honetsly."

"Give me a sec..." Lance took another steadying breath and moved his palms across Pidge's wrist, making sure that every part of it was back to its proper place. With each movement the ball of light grew weaker and smaller until it finally faded away, and Pidge rose to a sitting position, pulling her arm carefully from Lance's grip and flexing it in all directions.

"Yep, that's totally healed up," She said with a huge smile. "Wow, Lance, _thank you_ , I don't know what I'd do if - _Lance!_ "

The blue paladin pitched dangerously to the side, his eyes rolling back in their sockets, and he nearly face-planted the floor if it weren't for Keith who leapt forward and caught him by the shoulders.

"Lance!" Keith called, cradling Lance's head in his lap. "Lance, can you hear me?"

"Ahh..." Lance grimaced without opening his eyes. "R'loud..."

"What?" Keith looked up at his teammates, who seemed just as terrified and confused as he did.

"Y'r too loud... m'head hurts..." Lance slurred, going entirely limp in Keith's arms. At the same time, something dark and sticky dripped from his nose, forming a thin line across his lips and chin.

Hunk gasped in terror. Shiro was by Keith's side so quickly no one even saw how he got there, and gently took Lance away from him, passing him to his own arms. "We need to take him to the med bay _now_ ," he said, his voice steady and serious as always, although a hint of fear was evident in his eyes. Lance's head lolled to the side when Shiro stood up, and he didn't even stir as the older boy ran with him through the castle's corridors, the others following suit.

**

"His quintessence levels have dropped," Coran said with a frown as he examined the chart which floated in front of him. Lance was lying motionlessly on one of the beds at the med bay. The nosebleed had stopped by the time they got there, but he was still unconscious. His usually tanned skin was nearly as pale as the bedsheets, and his features were slack and lifeless save for the shallow rise and fall of his chest.

"What do you mean, 'dropped'? Can this even happen?" Hunk blurted, eyeing Lance anxiously.

"Well, normally, no," Allura said. "But once you use it the way Lance did to heal Pidge's arm, it only makes sense it will dwindle. Quintessence is not an unlimited source, especially when you pass it directly from your body to another person."

"Lance passed me some of his quintessence?" Pidge asked, her voice small and shaky. She was still clutching her wrist even though it was already healed.

"Like a blood donation," Keith murmured. He was standing the closest to Lance's bed, clenching and flexing his hands nervously, as if he wanted to touch Lance and at the same keep a distance from him.

"But wait, this isn't the first time Lance is doing the healing thing!" Hunk persisted. "Back then he cured my thumb and Keith's gash, and he was totally fine!"

"Those were mild injuries, they hardly required any quintessence," Coran noted. "Broken bones, on the other hand, are way more complex."

"Okay, so how do we get Lance's quintessence levels back to normal?" Shiro asked.

"If he needs someone else's quintessence, I have no problem to give him some of mine," Hunk said quickly. "I'm weighing as twice as he does, I bet I can handle it better than - "

"That is very kind of you, Hunk, but luckily it won't be necessarily," Allura cut him off gently. "According to the charts, the quintessence drop wasn't on a critical level; he still have more than enough to heal his body naturally, and it shouldn't even take too long. I believe he will be back to himself after a few vargas of rest."

"Or we can put him in a pod and then it'll take even less," Coran suggested while everyone released long sighs of relief. "You know, recharge his batteries."

"'m not a battery..." a raspy voice suddenly made them all jump in their places. Lance was shifting on his bed, opening his eyes slowly and then shutting them again, wincing at the bright lights of the med bay. "Quiznak."

"Lance!" Hunk called through a choked sob, grabbing his friend's hand and squeezing it between his large palms. "How are you feeling?! You scared the _shit_ out of me, you idiot, don't ever do that again!"

"I'll do whatever you want after you turn off those lights," Lance muttered.

Allura waved one hand in the air and the lights instantly dimmed. Lance opened his eyes again, looking a bit more alert. He craned his neck to look at his friends, and his gaze lingered on Pidge. "Is your arm better?"

Pidge flinched and chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Of course it's better," she said quietly. "You nearly killed yourself making it better."

"Oh." Lance didn't seem too shaken by this statement. Perhaps he was still not fully conscious. "I'm... sorry?"

"What did you feel when you were healing Pidge, Lance?" Allura asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Lance scrunched his forehead. "Um... at first it was okay, but then I started to feel kinda dizzy... like when your blood pressure suddenly drops? And I also got this killing headache all of a sudden." He struggled to rise to a sitting position, but plopped back down with a grimace. "Still got it."

"Well, the good news is that you are going to be okay after you get some rest," Coran said. "The... less good news is that all of these symptoms are a direct consequence of you using your healing powers and transferring your quintessence out of your body into Pidge's."

"And that is why the best thing for you is to not use it ever again," Allura said, earning stunned gazes from everyone else. Although they all had this thought in mind shortly after Lance collapsed, nobody dared to voice it out loud.

Lance looked stunned as well. He tried to sit up again, ignoring Hunk's protests and pulling himself up with effort until he managed to make eye contact with Allura. "You can't be serious," he panted. "I mean, yeah, I'm a little banged up right now, but it's probably something I can learn to control with time - "

"You may be right, but I'm afraid we don't have the privilege to test this possibility," Allura said, her voice stern. "Learning to control quintessence manipulation takes years of practice and we don't have that time, what with all the war against Zarkon and our constant need to form Voltron. Especially when you take into account all the risks involved!"

"You mean, the risks of people getting hurt because I have the ability to help them but I'm not using it?" Lance was practically yelling right now, swaying in his place so that Hunk had to support him to prevent him from falling back.

"So what, you prefer to get hurt yourself instead?" Keith yelled back at him. He seemed to be startled by his own reaction, as he bit his lip and turned to stare at the wall before continuing. "Lance, I don't think you understand what just happened. One moment you were fine and then you just..." his voice died down for a moment. "You were more than 'a little banged up', okay? And if that's what happens when you treat a broken arm, well, I don't even want to think how much quintessence you'll have to waste on more serious wounds."

"Number Four is absolutely right," Coran said, sending Keith an encouraging look. "Lance, this time you only got a nosebleed and a headache; but other incidents can result in much, much worse. As we explained before you woke up, quintessence is not an unlimited source. It should be cherished and protected, not passed around recklessly."

Lance's shoulders dropped in defeat and he leaned a bit more heavily against Hunk, lookind down at his lap. "I didn't mean to be reckless. I only wanted to help," he said, his voice barely audible.

"We know," Allura said softly. She seemed regretful about the harsh tone she used before. "We are not mad at you, Lance. None of us really knew what was the influence of this new ability on your body. But now that we know, we must be cautious. Your will to help others at the expense of your own wellbeing is a noble quality, and I would expect no less from a paladin of Voltron; but you are a valuable asset to the team and to the entire universe, and I would be an unworthy leader if I risked any of my paladins' health."

Lance was lost in thought for a few moments. Then he caught Allura's gaze again, a flame of determination in his eyes. "Fine. I promise I won't use my powers on minor, or even medium injuries; but what if someone gets hurt bad, like, _real_ bad, and we're in the middle of a battle and can't get to the castle right away? You can't expect me to stand back and watch someone _die_ and do nothing about it."

"Lance - " Shiro started, but Lance raised his hand to silence him. "Oh come on, Shiro, you know I'm right. And if I'm not, well, you're welcome to look me in the eye and say that you wouldn't do the exact same thing if you had the option."

Shiro's lips locked in a thin line, and he watched Lance intently. Eventually he sighed, looking ten years older all of a sudden. "I guess there's nothing I can say to change your mind, is there?"

"Nope," Lance said.

"Shiro, this is unacceptable," Allura flared. "You can't ask a fellow paladin to willingly sacrifice himself like this!"

"I'm not asking him that, Allura, but I also can't ask him to act against his own judgment," Shiro retorted. "I trust Lance to use his powers only when he is absolutely confident that there is no other way. I hate to see him suffer as much as any of us does, but I also can't deny the fact that he has received a gift that can save life. Expecting him to simply ignore it... well, that's an order I cannot give and he cannot follow, so the best thing for us to do will be to at least reach some sort of compromise."

Allura opened her mouth to keep arguing, but no words came out. Eventually she shook her head and crossed her arms, looking dissatisfied. "Fine. Then it's settled. But Lance, please, _please_ be careful. We cannot afford to lose you for nothing."

"Don't worry, princess, you won't get rid of me so easily," Lance smirked, some of the color returning to his cheeks. He looked at the rest of his friends, seeking their confirmation. "Hey Pidge, you okay there?"

Pidge, who kept silent and hidden behind Shiro this entire time, watched Lance with wide, glistening eyes. Then she let out a broken sob and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. "It was all my fault!" she cried. "I - I was acting like a baby and d-didn't let Coran check my arm s-so you had to step in and then you almost - you almost - " she sobbed harder, hugging Lance even tighter as if she was afraid he was going to disappear.

Lance stared down at her shaking figure, completely overwhelmed. He was pretty sure it was the first time he saw Pidge cry like this. His expression softened and he wrapped his arms around her, patting her back. "Hey, it's okay," he muttered. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault."

"But you were hurting..." Pidge wept into his chest.

"Yeah, but I'm not hurting anymore, right? And at the end everything turned out for the best - you got your arm fixed, and I found out that I shouldn't fix people's arms anymore, so we're all good now."

Pidge detached herself from Lance's chest and glared at him, her face puffy and wet. "If you ever do something like that again, I swear to god that if the quintessence loss doesn't kill you, _I'll_ kill you myself."

Lance laughed weakly. "Trust me, you're way more scary than quintessence loss, I wouldn't even dream to mess with you."

Pidge laughed back, though it was more like another sob, and punched Lance in the shoulder before stepping aside, wiping her eyes.

"Well, Lance," Coran cleared his throat after making sure this bonding moment was over, "You still need to regain your energy. Would you like to jump in a cryopod for a while, or would you prefer to go lie in your own bed? A pod will be quicker, for your information."

Lance shrugged. "I think my bed will do. I'm not a big fan of cryo, if I don't have to."

"Very well," Coran said. "Although I would like someone to escort you to your room and make sure you get there safely."

"I'll do it!" Hunk called, patting Lance on the shoulder. "Can you walk? Do you want me to give you a piggyback ride? I don't mind, honestly."

Lance smiled gratefully at his friend. On a normal day he would never refuse a piggyback ride from Hunk, but everyone was still looking at him as if he was going to drop dead at any second, so he figured he'd better show them that he was fine, even if his legs still felt a bit wobbly. "Nah, I can walk. Thanks bud," he said and climbed off the bed, letting Hunk drape an arm around his waist to keep him upright. All he wanted now was to plop into his bed and sleep. He could worry about everything later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yep. The secret is out. The angst parade is coming your way.
> 
> Chapter 3 will hopefully be up on Saturday! Until then, I would love to hear your opinions in the comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon, people! (Or, good middle-of-the-night/early morning to those who aren't in my time zone, which is probably everyone. :P) First of all, I want to thank you all for the ongoing support in the comments. Your kind words warm my heart so much, I hadn't thought someone would actually want to read my dumb ideas, lol.
> 
> Now, about this chapter. It's pretty dramatic - the angst parade has finally come to town! - and contains graphic descriptions of blood. It doesn't really get any gorier than this, but if heavy bleeding triggers you in any way, please read at your own risk.  
> Also, I'm pretty sure this is *not* how this kind of injuries are supposed to work, but Lance has magic powers so I guess it makes sense in this AU. :P

In Lance's defense, he held his side of the deal for nearly two months. Two months filled with activity, in which his friends were hurt countless times, and he didn't use his powers even once.

He didn't use them when Hunk crushed his lion and banged his head against the control panel, earning such a nasty concussion he could no longer fly Yellow and both Black and Blue had to drag them back to the castle.

He didn't use them when Keith had his shoulder busted while fighting off about ten Galrans all by himself, and even though they had to wait nearly half an hour for a rescue and he was bleeding through this entire time, he still had enough strength left to scream at Lance that he was fine and _if you dare lay a finger on me, Lance, I swear to god I'll make_ you _bleed._

He didn't even use them on _himself_ , even though he couldn't help but wonder what harm could be done by that. After all, he wasn't wasting quintessence if he was transferring it back into his own body, wasn't he? But Allura refused to hear any of it, and practically pushed him into a pod as his injured leg threatened to buckle underneath him - it got trapped under a pile of crates which collapsed on top of him while the paladins were creating havoc in a Galra warehouse.

Lance wanted to use his powers so bad; he hated to see his friends hurting without getting the help he could give them. But he also knew that by doing so he will hurt himself and make them worry about him, and that was an even worse feeling. So he refrained.

But it was only a matter of time before the choice between his friends' lives and his own had to be made.

The plan for this day's mission of infiltrating a Galra ship was simple and straight to the point: Hunk and Pidge would sneak into the control room, hack the security system and download all the valuable data they could find, while Shiro, Keith and Lance would use the temporary security failure to release a bunch of prisoners and lead them to the castle which floated outside in standby, hidden from the ship's radars. It wasn't the first time they performed a mission like this, and the ship wasn't even that big, so nobody expected anything to go wrong in particular. Get the data, get the prisoners out, get back to the castle. That's all.

However, even though the ship wasn't large, it was _crawling_ with Galra. They didn't know whether the prisoners happened to be high-class ones or whether the data was extremely valuable - either way, the second the systems were down all the corridors were filled with droids along with flesh-and-blood Galran soldiers. There were hundreds of them and only five paladins, so things went downhill pretty quickly.

It was nearly an hour since their arrival when Lance made his way from the control room back to the other side of the ship, where Shiro and Keith were supposed to be finishing loading the prisoners to the escape pods. There had been a change of plans after they had realized there was no way Pidge and Hunk would be able to fend off the enemy by themselves while tinkering with the computers, so Lance was sent to cover them. He wasn't too happy to leave Keith and Shiro alone, but he also knew that they were the best fighters on their team, and right now his cover fire was needed somewhere else.

Shortly after he stopped counting how many Galrans he had taken down with his bayard he heard Pidge's triumphant cheer from behind him. "Download is complete! Come on, let's get out of here!"

"I'm sending the castle at the direction of your edge of the ship, so be ready to hop on!" Allura announced through the comms. "Is Lance still with you? If so, tell him to come too, we need to evacuate as quickly as possible."

"Sorry princess, but Keith and Shiro hadn't been responding on the comms for the last few minutes, so I'm going to check on them first!" Lance called, already springing forward and ignoring Pidge and Hunk's protests. "We'll catch up with you guys later!"

He ran as fast as he could despite his aching muscles, hopping over still bodies from time to time (all Galra, to his relief), though he did not encounter any new attacks along his way. Perhaps they finally managed to wipe out all the Galra on the ship, and in this case, evacuating should be a piece of cake.

Lance finally reached the prisoner deck and skidded to a stop, only to see the last escape pod launch into space. "Oh great, you got them all out," he panted. "Pidge and Hunk just scrammed and Allura's waiting for us, so we should really get go - " his words were caught in his throat when he circled a corner and ran into Shiro and Keith.

Shiro was sitting on the floor with his back against a wall, his face so white he looked like a ghost. His eyes were only half-open and he was breathing way too fast and too shallow. Keith was kneeling beside him, pressing his hands against a large tear in Shiro's thigh plate. which was shuttered beyond recognition and had blood leaking through it in a never-ending stream, already forming a puddle on the floor beneath them.

"What _happened_?" Lance dropped to his knees next to Keith, staring unbelievably at Shiro's torn leg.

"He got shot," Keith said, his face red with effort. "Those bastards... I think it tore through the femoral artery, judging by all the blood... fuck, it won't stop, _fuck!!!_ " he groaned and pressed harder, though it did little to contain the bleeding.

"Keith, it's okay," Shiro muttered. He seemed awfully relaxed, almost sleepy. Which, of course, was a very bad sign.

"Stop saying that," Keith hissed. "I'm not some fucking kid!"

"Allura, we sent all the prisoners out, but Shiro got shot in the leg and he's bleeding, badly," Lance said into his comms as Keith was clearly too hysterical to call for help. "We need rescue now!"

"I'm sorry, Lance!" Allura called, sounding frustrated. A mix of static noises and distant explosions filled the background. "The Galra have ambushed us - I don't know _how_ they did it, but they just launched dozens of warships to surround the main ship and they're firing at the castle from all directions! We're trying to find a way to pass through, but it might take some time!"

"We don't have 'some time'!" Keith screamed back at her, but Lance has already yanked his helmet off and nudged Keith's side. "Move. Let me patch him up."

Keith only stared at him dumbfoundedly, as if he did not fully understand what Lance was saying. "But you're..." he hesitated.

"Keith, if I don't heal him now he's going to bleed to death and you know it," Lance said firmly. There wasn't a hint of fear in his eyes, only pure determination. "It's our only option. I'm not going to let Shiro die, not on my watch."

"Lance..." Shiro rasped, trying to get his eyes to focus on the blue paladin, "D-don't..."

Lance waved his hand to shush him. "Don't forget our deal, Shiro," he persisted. "I'm not allowed to use my powers unless it's a life-or-death situation, right? Well, you have a gunshot in your thigh, so I really don't know how it can get more life-or-death than that. So I'm going to save your life now, and you're going to be fine, and we can worry about me later, is that clear?"

Shiro wanted to argue, but he barely had any strength left. Besides, he knew Lance was right, even if he refused to admit it. He managed a tiny nod before his eyes fluttered shut and he sank a bit lower against the wall.

"No no no, Shiro, you have to stay awake," Keith raised one bloodied hand off Shiro's leg and tapped his cheek several times, but their leader remained still and unresponsive. Keith turned his gaze to Lance, his face washed with panic. "Hurry," he begged.

Lance adjusted his position, planting his butt on the floor, and placed both his hands next to Keith's. "When I get to three, you take your hands off the wound as quickly as possible, so I can put mine right over there. Ready?" Keith nodded feverishly, and Lance started to count. "One... two... three!"

They both moved as fast as they could, although a small fountain of blood still managed to sprout between Lance's fingers before he covered the wound again. He heard Keith make a gagging noise beside him, but his hands did not budge. "Keith, I don't know how long it'll take me to close an open artery, but it's probably going to be a tad more difficult than a broken arm, so I need you to keep your shit together until I'm finished, okay?" He wasted no time waiting for an answer, as his hands already started to glow with the familiar blue light.

Keith seemed to get the message though, as he placed his own palm across Lance's lower back to support him. "I'm right behind you," he breathed.

 The blue ball of light swerved and curled around Shiro's thigh, but the torn artery did not succumb to the healing energy so easily. It was a painfully slow process, and it took more than a whole minute for the bleeding to slow down a bit, though it was still leaking in a steady pace beneath Lance's fingers. Shiro's face remained pale and unmoving through the entire time, and if it wasn't for the barely visible rise and fall of his chest he would have looked like a dead man.

"I need more power," Lance hissed through gritted teeth. He was sweating so hard that the blue light reflected in the perspiration on his face. "Come on, stupid quintessence..."

The light glowed harder all of a sudden, so bright that Keith had to squeeze his eyes shut. He felt Lance's back shudder beneath his palm, vibrating from both energy and exhaustion. He bit his lip, wishing with all his might that he could take some of Lance's burden, pass him some of his own quintessence so he won't collapse before Shiro is out of danger.

Keith wasn't sure how much time had passed before the pressure on his eyelids suddenly lessened and he cracked them open gingerly. The light still encircled Shiro's thigh, but it was a lot weaker now, and he could see through it that the bleeding has finally stopped and the skin around it started to form a scab. He released a huge sigh of relief, turned to Lance - and froze in horror.

Lance's face was beyond pale; it was _ashen_ , and there were dark bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for a week. But the worst part was his nose. It wasn't dripping lightly like last time - this time blood was leaking from his nose in a harsh, constant flow, just like Shiro's thigh bled moments ago. Dark, brownish-red splotches littered not only the lower half of his face but also his armor from the chest to the stomach, standing in sickening contrast to his gray and lifeless skin.

"Lance!" Keith wrapped an arm around Lance's shoulders, wondering how the hell he managed to keep himself upright until now. "Oh my fucking - you need to stop, _now!_ Come on - the bleeding has stopped, can't you see? Now _you're_ the one who's bleeding out!"

"...isn't fully closed yet..." Lance muttered, his voice less than a whisper. Every part of his body was wrecked with shivers now save for his hands, who remained strong and steady. Keith wanted nothing more than tear them apart from Shiro's body, but before he could move or say anything, Shiro shifted in his place.

The black paladin moaned softly before his eyes snapped open and he shot up with a loud gasp of air. "What the..." he looked around in confusion until his eyes rested on Lance and Keith. He gasped once more as he caught the sight of the person who was healing him. " _Lance!_ " he cried, clumsily trying to pry Lance's hands off his leg, but somehow they stayed glued to the wound. "Lance, stop! I'm okay now! I'm - shit.. _._ "

Lance didn't reply. It wasn't clear if he was listening or hearing anything at all at this point. His face grew paler and paler with every passing second, and even his hair seemed to lose some of its color. And the most horrible thing was that at the same time, Shiro's face was gradually filled with more color, more _vitality_ , as if his body was sucking directly on Lance's life force. The sight was ironic in the most grotesque way possible.

Just when Shiro was ready to ask Keith to forcefully pull Lance backwards, Lance's hands finally slipped away from the wound as the last spark of blue light vanished. He toppled to the side like a sack of potatoes and crashed right into Shiro's chest. His eyes were shut but his nose was still bleeding freely, staining Shiro's armor and mixing with the pool of half-dried blood below his thigh.

"Lance," Shiro breathed, so shocked he wasn't even able to raise his voice. He touched the blue paladin's face with a shaky hand and felt around the cold, clammy skin. "Lance, wake up, please, you _have_ to wake up..."

To their both surprise and relief Lance's eyes fluttered open, if only to a silver, and he stared at Shiro hazily. His mouth twisted into a crooked smile, though it looked more like a grimace, especially with all the blood covering his lips and front teeth. "Y're 'live..." he slurred, looking so genuinely happy despite all the pain and exhaustion it was utterly heartbreaking.

"I'm very much alive," Shiro said softly. He wrapped his arms around Lance and held him close. "And it's all thanks to you. You did good, kiddo. You were amazing. I'm so, so proud of you."

"J'st doin'... m'job..." Lance coughed weakly, more blood spilling from his lips.

"Allura, we need the castle _now!_ " Keith barked into the comms with renewed panic. "We're out of time!"

"We just managed to clear a path, we're coming your way now!" Allura yelled in response. "How is Shiro doing?!"

Keith froze, realizing that in the rush to save Shiro's life he hadn't even told the others what Lance has done. He gulped at the sight of Lance, who was now unconscious, with Shiro desperately trying and failing to wake him up. "Shiro's okay," he said thickly. "But Lance is..." he choked on his words, unable to continue.

"What?! Did Lance get hurt too?" Hunk joined the conversation now, and Keith flinched at how terrified he sounded.

"Keith, what is going on?" Allura demanded.

Keith looked at the ceiling, blinking to hold back the tears that burned his eyes. "Lance used his powers to heal Shiro's leg," he said, barely controlling his voice. "He... he saved his life."

The mixture of gasps and cries which pierced through his comms made it clear that the others understood exactly what he meant, and Keith nearly tore his helmet off from frustration.

Then Shiro's words reached him through the cacaphony of voices. His speech sounded so broken that Keith barely recognized it, barely managed to catch the meaning of his words. But one look at Shiro's face, which was crumpled in utter despair and streaked with tears, was all he needed to be knocked back to reality.

"He's not breathing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEE, DRAMA!
> 
> As for the next chapter: I will try my best to post it soon. The thing is that it is a really heavy chapter, and a pain to edit, and I have a busy week ahead of me. I don't want to rush it just because I want the cliffhanger to be solved, because I'm a perfectionist and it's important to me to deliver the best piece of writing I can do. Also, your beautiful comments have given me some ideas I hadn't though about before, and I definitely consider throwing them in. So, I'll try to aim for Wednesday/Thursday, but no promises! In the meantime, feel more than welcome to yell at me in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy chapter ahead of us (still can't believe I managed to upload it on time). Heavy dialouge, heavy angst, heavy everything. I have definitely come for your feels. But I think I like how it turned out, so I hope you like it as well!

The low buzzing sound reached his ears gradually, slowly, like a car engine approaching from distance. He thought he heard a weak swishing sound as well, like a door opening, but he couldn't tell for sure as the world around him remained white and empty as it has been since... how long? Days? Weeks? Could be forever, for all he knew.

No, wait, it wasn't always white. There was a glimpse of bright blue at some point. It lasted barely a second, but it was there. He didn't remember when this happened. He only remembered it felt nice and warm, like home. And then everything went white again, and he felt cold. And then he felt nothing.

Suddenly, he pitched forward. He wanted to send his arms to stop the fall, but they were far, far too heavy. He couldn't move a muscle. Every part of his body was heavy and numb, including his eyelids - wait, his eyes were closed? Then how come everything was so white?

The fall never came though. Strong, yet gentle arms folded around him, keeping him in place. His head bumped into a warm surface and he let himself sink against it, trying and failing to blink his eyes open to see what or who it was. The buzz he heard before was now replaced with a cacophony of muffled voices which he couldn't comprehend at all. The noise made his head hurt so much he felt like it might split open.

He sank further down and the voices faded away, along with his headache and the whiteness and everything else.

**

The second time he came to he was welcomed by darkness. The standard, not-white-at-all type of darkness.

But this time Lance could feel a bit more. He could feel that he was horizontal - he was lying down on something soft and comfy, probably a bed, and covered up to his waist in another soft thing which could only be a blanket; and he could hear some noises, too - a monotonous beeping sound mixed with someone's voice, gentle but clear in his ears.

"Lance, Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Lance. That was his name. Someone was calling him. A woman. She had a pleasant voice, but she sounded worried. She asked him to open his eyes - would that make her feel better? If so, then he should at least try. After all, it is rude to ignore a lady's wish.

It took him more time than expected - his eyelids felt as if they were glued together - but he managed to crack them open eventually. He was met with a dark-brown face, framed with long locks of silver hair, and the pair of the bluest, most sparkling eyes he has ever seen. He knew that face.

"Pretty," he muttered sleepily, not even noticing that he expressed his thoughts out loud until the word left his mouth (Holy Quiznak, his voice sounded _horrible._ Had he swallowed a bunch of sand or something?)

Allura frowned slightly, but did not took her gaze off him. "Lance, I'm going to squeeze your right hand now, and I want you to squeeze mine back. Do you understand? Just squeeze it with your right."

Lance started to wonder what was the point of all this, but he felt Allura wrapping her cool, smooth fingers around his hand, and he didn't want to let her down. So he tried his best to squeeze back, but it was harder than opening his eyes - his muscles were numb and uncooperative. He moaned weakly and tried again, focusing with all his might, and this time he did manage to curl his fingers around Allura's, if only slightly. This small movement drained him of what little energy he had and he sighed, feeling his eyes fluttering shut once more.

"No, Lance, you can't go back to sleep yet. Not before you do the same with your left hand," he heard Allura say, and felt her gentle yes persistent touch against his left palm.

Lance sighed again. "Worst foreplay ever," he grunted, not bothering to open his eyes but clenching his left hand any way. Someone across the room - not Allura, but he didn't recognize who - groaned and muttered something he didn't catch. But Lance couldn't care less at the moment, he just wanted people to stop prodding him and let him go back to sleep.

He felt Allura shuffle away from him. "He is very weak and a bit confused, but that is to be expected," she said, her voice serious but free of previous concern. "He is aware and responsive and his reflexes are good, and all in all, he is in a good shape considering the circumstances."

_What circumstances?_ Lance wanted to ask, but drifted back to unconsciousness before he had the chance to try and move his lips.

**

The third time Lance woke up there was no Allura to greet him, but at least he felt alert enough to finally take a look of his surroundings. It took him a few seconds to recognize the circle of cryopods and conclude that he was at the med bay. However, until now, every time Lance woke up at the med bay (which happened quite often, to his dismay) he always emerged from one of these pods; this was the first time he woke up in a bed in the far side of the room, watching the pods from there.

Lance did not remember how or when he ended up at the med bay this time, but he had a strange feeling he has already been there for quite a while. But shouldn't he be in a cryopod in order to heal? How come he is in a bed? Had he even gotten into a pod at all?

"Lance?"

The voice cut off Lance's sluggish train of thoughts and he turned his head at its direction. Only then he noticed Keith sitting in a chair a few feet away from his bed. He looked rather disheveled - his face was pale, his hair was even a bigger mess than usual and stuck out in random angels, and he had dark circles around his eyes. Lance wondered if he should offer him to hop on a bed and get some rest as well, because clearly he was in a desperate need for one.

"Hey Mullet," Lance said. Speaking hurt his dry throat and he coughed weakly, trying to clear away the raspiness. "Bleh. I sound worse than you look."

Keith's eyebrows furrowed and Lance waited for a sharp comeback, but the look Keith gave him lacked any trace of the exasperation and impatience that he usually saved for Lance. In fact, he seemed uncertain, almost scared, as he leaned forward to examine Lance closely. "Are you awake now?" He asked in a thin voice.

Lance huffed out a breath. "Um, I'm talking to you, so I think that makes me pretty awake. Unless I'm talking in my sleep, and in this case, I demand a better dream."

Keith's jaw tightened and Lance was sure this time he would snap at him. But the red paladin only shook his head and stood up, heading towards the exit. "I'm going to get the others," he mumbled and fled the room before Lance had any chance to open his mouth.

Lance was confused. Was Keith avoiding him on purpose? Did they had a fight before Lance was hurt? But even if they did, all the signs told him that he was unconscious for quite a long time. Although he didn't exactly expect Keith to hop with joy and cradle him in his arms - actually, he very much preferred him _not_ to - a bit of emotion would still be nice. Oh well, guess Keith didn't really do emotion. Anyway, Lance didn't have much time to dwell on this matter, because suddenly a bunch of people burst into the med bay and huddled around his bed.

" _Lance!!!_ " Hunk was the first one to reach Lance's side, and Lance barely acknowledged his presence before he found himself crushed by the big guy's arms, who hugged him so tight he thought he might pop out a rib. "I'm-so-happy-to-see-you-I-missed-you-so-much-I-thought-I-lost-you-forever-how-are-you-feeling-oh-my-god-I'm-so-happy - "

"Hunk, we just got him back and you're already chocking him," Lance heard Pidge say, a small quiver in her voice. He was instantly released from the bone-crushing hug (and for that he was thankful, because the edges of his vision has already started to darken), but Hunk was still gripping him by the shoulders, staring him with wide, teary eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just really, _really_ happy to see you," he breathed.

Lance gave a lopsided smile, trying not to wince at how stiff his facial muscles felt. "I'm happy to see you too, buddy," he said. "And... everyone else." He looked past Hunk at the rest of his teammates - Pidge, Shiro, Allura, Coran and Keith, who stood far behind, an unreadable expression on his face. "Hi guys."

Pidge rolled her eyes. "You did _not_ just 'hi guys' us."

"Pidge," Shiro scolded her, then approached the bed and placed one hand on Lance's bony shoulder - or, more precisely, on Hunk's large palm, since the latter refused to let go of Lance. "Welcome back, Lance. We're all just really glad to have you with us again."

"Ah... same here?" Lance chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry, I just don't really understand what's going on."

"What is the last thing you remember?" Coran asked carefully. He didn't quite look like himself either - the edges of his moustache, which were always so orderly trimmed, were slightly wrinkled and pointed down lifelessly.

Lance frowned at the question. What _did_ he remember? He had floated in an endless, white space, unable to see or hear or feel anything... no, before that. Before everything turned white, there were other colors. Purple. Flashes of bright, sickening purple - Galra, he registered. They were probably fighting them again. And then there was red - so much red - and _blue_ , a blue so shimmering it hurt his eyes -

Lance suddenly felt a sharp pain in his temple. It lasted less than a second, but it was strong enough for him to cry out, his hand shooting up awkwardly to his head.

"What's wrong?!" Hunk's grip tightened around his shoulders and everybody was suddenly too close. Lance noticed their expressions - they looked utterly scared, like they have just seen a ghost. For the love of god, what _happened_ to him that terrified them so much?

Lance waved his hand dismissively. "Nothing, I'm fine," he said, but the others didn't look convinced, and he sighed. "Seriously, I'm _fine._ I just... tried to remember, but it kinda hurt. I don't even know why."

Hunk released a long breath, his shoulders dropping a bit. "It's okay, buddy, you don't have to remember it all now," he said softly. "You can take it easy."

"If he doesn't remember then we should tell him," Keith said somewhere in the background, sounding as phlegmatic as before. "It's not like we can hide it from him."

Hunk's head shot at Keith's direction with a glare, but Allura stepped forward, her expression solemn. "Keith is right. It is essential for Lance to understand the situation, and the sooner the better." She ushered Hunk off the bed (he scooted away in silent protest) and took her place next to Lance, who eyed her nervously.

"Lance, two weeks ago we were on a mission to infiltrate a Galra ship, which contained prisoners and valuable information. Unfortunately, you all got caught up in a difficult battle against the Galra."

"Okay..." Lance said hesitantly. _Two weeks? He was in a coma for two weeks?_

"At some point during the battle, Shiro was injured," Allura's eyes clouded for a brief moment. "His injury was fatal. A femoral artery gunshot, to be precise."

Lance's heart skipped a bit. He remembered now. Not the entire battle, but the sight of Shiro's body, sprawled lifelessly against the wall, and the blood that leaked unstoppably from his thigh. There was so much blood, too much of it, and he... he couldn't just leave it that way.

"However, you used your healing abilities to heal Shiro's wound," Allura said and placed one hand on top of Lance's. "Your quintessence had stopped the bleeding and closed the wound completely, and as you can see, Shiro is standing right here with us now, alive and perfectly healthy. You saved your leader's life, Lance. It was a true act of bravery, and we shall all be forever thankful to you for that." She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes, and Lance knew why.

"I guess this means things ended up a little bit worse for me," he said hesitantly, not really expecting anyone to confirm or deny it.

There was a heavy silence which seemed to last forever. Then, Pidge blurted, "You were legally dead for four minutes."

Lance stared at her in shock. She looked close to tears, but continued to speak nonetheless, as if the words were poison she had to get out of her system. "You weren't breathing," she said. "We got down there just in time to see you and Shiro covered in blood, and you weren't breathing, and Shiro tried to give you CPR, but it wasn't working, and... we - we all thought you were gone. For good. I mean... t-this isn't the type of things people get back from." She took a shuddering breath, and Coran instantly was at her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, squeezing it in encouragement.

"Now now, that's enough, Number Five," he said gently. "There is no need for you to go through this again. As you can see, Lance is here with us now and he is very much alive, and that is the most important thing."

 "But _how_?" Lance was pretty shaken up by everything Pidge had just said, but he had to know. "How did you manage to... revive me?"

Allura bit her lip and Lance felt her hand tighten around his. "The first thing we could think of was to rush you into a cryopod, of course. But that... was not enough. You had so little quintessence left, the pod practically had nothing to work with. And that was when the blue lion awoke."

Lance frowned in confusion. "What does Blue have to do with it?"

"Well, she is the one who saved your life eventually," Coran interfered. "She gave you some of her own quintessence."

Lance's jaw dropped. "Our lions can _do_ that?!"

"Well, not on a regular basis, no," Coran said. "But a lion and its paladin are connected to each other by quintessence. Once this bond is strong enough, and the paladin's life is in imminent danger, the lion can transfer some of its quintessence to him. The lions' ability is limited in those situations, and they usually provide a very small amount of quintessence; but luckily in your case, it was enough to at least stabilize you until the pod can get started again."

"But... how did you know to bring me to Blue?"

"I heard her talking to me," Allura admitted. "It... hasn't really happened before, at least not since the day you all got here and I assigned each of you a lion. But I guess it can happen in case a paladin's life is in grave danger. I just knew we had to bring you to her hangar as soon as possible."

Lance somehow managed half a smile. "Wow, Allura, you're really awesome."

Allura didn't return the smile. Her eyes clouded as she continued to talk. "Still, the first couple of vargas of you in the pod were critical. What Blue did was enough to stabilize you for the time being, but it was more of a patch-up work - there was no way to ensure how long it will last. This type of quintessence transfer is a very delicate process, and considering the circumstances, there was always the possibility of your body suddenly rejecting the lion's quintessence. I believe it was nearly a whole quintent until we could finally be sure your life was no longer in danger."

"And even after that, we still had no way to know if there was going to be any lasting damage," Coran continued. "You were out of the pod after nine Earth days, but even then the scans indicated that you were still in full comatose state. In fact, only yesterday, after you woke up and responded to Allura for the first time, we could all finally settle down." He then did his best to send Lance his warmest smile, but the deep lines between his eyes told a whole different story.

"But the fact that you're awake does not mean you can be up and about so quickly," Allura said firmly. " Your body has suffered heavy trauma - so much that it was physically painful for you to remember how it happened - and it needs time to recover. In my estimation, it will take a couple of weeks until you are entirely back to yourself."

Lance kept his head bowed down for a while, staring at his pale hands. His fingers looked like twigs, so skinny and fragile they have become over the past two weeks. He could only guess that the rest of his body looked just as wan. It must have been painful for his friends to see him like this - floating lifelessly inside a cryopod and then lying like a stone in his sickbed, not knowing when or even if he will ever wake up. Lance knew that he would be scared to death if he had to see someone from his team in this state.

But it would have been a lot more painful for them to lose their leader. As the blue paladin Lance was an important part of Voltron, but he was also replaceable. From what he could tell from the few months he had spent with the Blue Lion, she was an extremely friendly and accepting lion - after all, she had let him in barely ten seconds after she met him for the first time;  surely it wouldn't be too much trouble to find a few paladin for her in case Lance was gone. Yes, their bond was apparently strong enough for her to share her quintessence with him, but there was no reason to believe it wouldn't be like that with any other person - even Allura was connected to her deep enough to talk to her. It hurt to admit it, but it was the truth.

Shiro, on the other hand... he was the black paladin, the head of Voltron. Only one person in the entire universe could fulfill this part. They couldn't allow themselves to lose _him_ \- at least not if Lance had any say in it. So when it came down to choosing between his own life and Shiro's, the answer was pretty clear to him.

He steeled himself and raised his head again. "I'm sorry for making you guys worry so much," he said. "It must have been really scary for you to see me like this, and I wish it hadn't been that way. But I'm _not_ sorry for what I did." He shifted his gaze until he was looking straight into Shiro's eyes. "You are my leader and one of my best friends, and I would never, _ever_ forgive myself if I let you die. And I would do what I did all over again, if I had to."

Shiro worried his lower lip and Lance was sure he was going to yell at him, but the older man only sighed and smiled sadly. "I know. And I can't blame you. As much as I hate to say this, I would have probably done the same if I were in your place."

Lance's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but Shiro continued before he could think of an answer. "And that is why we all decided that it would be best for you, and for us as well, if you didn't have to make that choice anymore."

Lance's eyes widened. "What do you mean? Did you..." His heart suddenly started to race in his chest. "D-did you guys mess with my quintessence when I was unconscious?"

"Oh my dear boy, of course not," Coran rushed to say. "We would have never done anything like this without your consent."

Allura's jaw clenched in a way that implied she actually found the idea quite appealing. "As much as we hoped that the damage you sustained would at least destroy the remnants of the healing qualities in your quintessence, they remained unscathed, and went back to their normal levels once the pod finished its job," she sounded almost bitter. "However, we all agree that you simply cannot use this power again; not with your life on the line. The lives of all the paladins of Voltron have an equal value, and we must not find ourselves ever again in a situation where we have to choose between them."

Lance's stomach churned. "What... what are you saying, exactly?"

"Coran and I did some research while you were comatose. Pidge also helped," Allura tilted her head to send the green paladin an encouraging smile. "And we found a way to extract the healing elements from your quintessence without corrupting it. It is actually a very simple method - I can't help but feel a bit of shame we hadn't thought about it earlier."

"We deleted all the data about humans from one of the cryopods ," Coran explained. "It is now back to how it was before you all came to the ship - the first human to enter it won't be recognized by its system. And that person is going to be you, Lance."

"Once the pod scans your body to initiate the healing process and analyzes the data, it will find you perfectly healthy except for one single anomaly - which is the presence of healing elements within your quintessence," Allura continued. "It will recognize it as an imbalance which requires fixing - as if you are 'over-healthy', to put it simply."

"It'll pretty much be the opposite of what happened to you in the first place," Pidge said. She seemed a bit more uplifted once the conversation shifted to a scientific discussion. "Back then, your injuries had made the pod conduct an overapplication of the healing process; this time, your perfect physical state _plus_ the healing quintessence will cause an _underapplication_ , which means removing only the elements responsible for the imbalance so you will be back to normal."

Lance frowned. "Doesn't 'underapplication' mean it will only make me sicker?"

Pidge shook her head. "Coran and I ran the calculations, like, a thousand times. It's totally safe. Also, once you're out we will upload the data back so that the pod can treat humans properly again."

"Of course we cannot do this now; your quintessence is still weak and unstable, we can only do it when you're completely healthy," Allura said. "However, I hope you understand that this is the only solution which will suit everyone's needs. I expect you to undergo this procedure as soon as your condition allows it."

 Lance did not reply for a long time, lost in thought. The healing powers were the only asset he had, the one thing he could actually bring to the table. He wasn't as clever as Pidge, or as insightful as Hunk; he didn't have the leadership skills Shiro had; and he definitely wasn't a fierce warrior or a talented pilot, like Keith. He was just... _Lance_. Hanging around in the background, making dumb jokes and trying not to get in the way when everybody else had more important things to do. Sure, he was a decent shot, but his sniping skills were nothing to compare to all the amazing things the rest of his friends were capable of. All he could do was keep them safe, protect their lives - and now they wanted to take this ability way from him. To make him totally useless again.

"You said I don't have to do it now," he said eventually.

Allura blinked. "Um, yes, of course. You _can't_ do it now. But in a few weeks - "

"Then I decide not to decide in the meantime," Lance said, his voice steady. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you an answer right now. I need to think about it."

"What's there to think about?!" Hunk burst out, grabbing Lance's shoulder again and forcing him to face him. "Lance, you nearly _died!_ No, wait - you _actually_ died! Do you really want to go through that again?!"

"Hunk, calm down - " Shiro tried, but Hunk was beyond listening.

" _No!_ " he cried, going very red in the face. "My best friend just came back from the dead and now he wants to go back there and I'm _not_ going to just sit here and let him get himself killed!"

"Hunk, I'm not... going back to the dead, or whatever," Lance said carefully, but Hunk only glared harder at him.

"You have no idea how lucky you were," he whispered. "You... you couldn't have only died, you know that? You could have suffered brain damage, or-or become paralyzed, or all kinds of things I don't even want to _think_ about. Damn it, Lance, until yesterday we weren't even sure if you're ever going to wake up again. You scared the shit out of me and I never, _never_ want to feel like this again. And if that's not enough for you to make the decision, well, I'm just going to have to punch you in the gut so hard that all this stupid quintessence will come out flying right through your nose." He was half-crying now, and Lance's heart ached so much he couldn't even find the words to comfort him.

Luckily, Shiro knew exactly when to step in. He patted Hunk's back and said gently, "Hunk, I'm sure Lance doesn't want to see you - or any of us - hurting, but in the end, it's his choice to make. It's his body, his quintessence, and he should be the one deciding whether to give up his powers or not."

Everybody turned to stare at Shiro in surprise, including Lance, who expected no less than a direct order to do the procedure. Apparently Allura shared this expectation, because she immediately rose to her feet and called, "Shiro, you can't possibly believe what you're saying! We've already followed this reasoning in the past, and look at where it got us! Can you really not see what's at stake here?!"

"I see it as clearly as you do, princess," Shiro said patiently. "And I still think it's Lance's decision, and Lance alone. Personally, I think that he should do the procedure, but it doesn't matter what I think as long as he doesn't reach this conclusion himself."

"You are his leader, you can _order_ him to do so!" Allura snarled.

"And what, drag him to a pod and force him inside?" Shiro quirked an eyebrow. "Like the Galra do whenever they feel like experimenting with their prisoners?"

Allura's eyes widened in disbelief and she stepped away from Shiro, her hand shooting to her mouth. Everyone held their breath as they waited for her response, but the sudden sound of a door slamming made them all jump. It was Keith, who apparently couldn't bear to stay in the room any longer.

He was soon followed by Allura - not before she steeled herself and sent Shiro the iciest glare they have ever seen on her face, then turned away and stormed out wordlessly.

After the door slammed shut again, Coran released a long breath. "I deeply respect your authority, Number One, but I'm afraid this was uncalled for," he said, his tone as mild as ever.

Shiro sighed. The tension seemed to leave his shoulders at once. "I know. I shouldn't have said that. I'll talk to her later." He turned to Lance. "Lance, you okay there?"

Lance blinked and promptly closed his mouth, which was left agape during the last couple of minutes. The whole conversation sounded so surreal in his mind, and he still wasn't completely sure he hadn't imagined it. His head felt heavy all of a sudden, and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open for some reason.

"Lance?" Hunk asked worriedly, leaning forward to examine Lance's drooping figure.

"Hmm?" Lance swayed slightly in his place but did his best to catch himself as he noticed Hunk's expression. "Sorry. I'm just really tired all of a sudden." He chuckled dryly. "Even though I just woke up..."

"This is probably just general fatigue due to your condition," Coran said lightly. "Your body needs all the rest it can get, and so does your mind. Go to sleep, my boy, there's no need for you to worry about anything at the moment."

Lance gave him a tired smile. "Thanks, Coran."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Hunk mumbled, fiddling with his fingers.

"Nah, I probably deserved most of it." Lance tried to elbow him playfully, although he nearly pitched to the side from exhaustion.

Hunk laughed shakily and ruffled Lance's hair. "I'm going to make you a tower of pancakes when you wake up, okay? Just you wait. When I'm done with you, you're going to be at least twice my size." He gave Lance's shoulder one last squeeze before leaving the room together with Coran.

After they were gone, Pidge shuffled closer to the bed and sat in front of Lance. "I already told you I'll kill you myself if you ever pull that stunt again," she said.

Lance snorted. "Careful, you nearly missed your chance." It was a lame joke and he knew it, so he wasn't surprised when Pidge glared at him furiously.

"This isn't funny, Lance," she said, her voice low and strain. "The last two weeks have been _hell._ We all were - I was - " she shuddered. "Look, it's hard enough that I don't even know if my dad and my brother are alive or not, so the last thing I need is to lose another member of my family, okay?" her eyes welled up again and she looked up, chuckling bitterly. "Fuck, man, this is like the _third_ time you make me cry. I should really stop hanging out with you, you know?"

"I know," Lance whispered and leaned forward to wrap his weak arms around her, and she immediately returned the hug, sniffling into his chest.

"Thank you for saving Shiro," her voice was muffled by his shirt. "He's family too. You all are."

"Yeah." Lance rested his chin on her shoulder and closed his weary eyes, ready to fall asleep at any given moment.

Apparently Pidge was less keen about the idea, as she wriggled herself out of his weak grip and pushed him gently back onto his pillows. "Go to sleep already, you stupid idiot," she said. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"I thought you didn't want to hang out anymore," Lance mumbled.

Pidge shrugged. "You kinda grew on me." She squeezed his hand once before turning back to the door and exiting the room in silence.

It was only Shiro and him now. Lance tried to focus on his leader, although his eyelids were already drooping again. "Sh'ro, I - "

"We can talk about everything later, Lance," Shiro cut him off, although there was no harshness to his tone. "Now get some rest. You need it."

Lance wanted to argue, but apparently his tongue has already decided to go to sleep, and it was only seconds later when the rest of his body followed through and he was swallowed by the familiar darkness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a bad person :P Poor Lance, I really like to dwell into his insecurities. But I promise things will get better. We're already halfway through this story, people! Chapter 5 should be up in 2-3 days if life doesn't decide to get in the way. In the meantime, please tell me your opinions in the comments, because I've worked real hard on this monster of a chapter, and I crave for feedback!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments for the previous chapter were absolutely overwhelming. You guys have made my weekend. <3

 

Lance has always been a heavy sleeper. Ever since he was a little kid he used to oversleep on a daily basis (usually resulting in his mother yelling at his siblings to drag him out of bed by force), and on holidays and vacations he never got up before lunchtime. As a teenager this habit only got worse, and it was a wonder Lance had even managed to graduate middle school considering that he almost never showed up for morning classes.

At the Garrison he didn't have the luxury of oversleeping, of course, so he used every single minute of the sleep hours the cadets were given to the fullest. Once lights-out was announced he would plop onto his bed and drift away the second he closed his eyes, enjoying a deep, dreamless sleep until his alarm clock rang exactly six hours later. And he always had trouble waking up; he usually had to set three snoozes to even realize that it was time to get up (a habit that pissed his roommates to no end), but most of the times it ended with Hunk literally kicking him out of bed and pushing him outside so they won't miss morning roll call.

There were nights when the main alarm suddenly went off, indicating that it was time for a surprise drill, and Lance... well, he did _not_ react well to these. He found himself more than once cleaning the toilets or doing a double shift at the kitchen because he was late for a drill. Iverson's screams still echoed in his head from time to time after a particularly humiliating incident, when Lance somehow stayed in bed through an entire fire exercise, sleeping like a log while all the other cadets evacuated the base. The commander yelled at him for nearly half an hour about how he would have been burned to a crisp if this hadn't been a drill. Even now, when he was a paladin at the Castle of Lions, he still hadn't got used to Allura's drills (which she was quite fond of, to his dismay) and found himself getting scolded every time for being late.

But nothing in his impressive resume as a chronic sleeper prepared him to the amount of time he spent sleeping nowadays, as he was recovering from his near-deadly quintessence loss.

He could sleep for twelve hours straight in his room (he was allowed to move back there two days after waking up from his coma, but the walk from the med bay to the paladins' quarters exhausted him so much that the moment he walked through the door he fell face-down on his bed and slept until dinner), wake up, nibble at the breakfast Hunk has already left for him on the nightstand (that precious, pure-hearted angel), drag himself to the bathroom, go to the common room where most of his friends were usually hanging in the mornings, and fall asleep on one of the couches for another four or five hours. And this was pretty much how his whole day went like. No matter how much rest he gave his body (as he was repeatedly ordered by pretty much everyone in the castle), it was never enough.

 "That is completely normal," Coran reassured him. "Don't forget that you nearly lost all your quintessence; you may got it back, but your body still needs time to adapt. I suggest you focus less on worrying and more on resting."

It calmed Lance down, if only a little. Still, it was pretty frustrating to feel so tired all the time. Even the most simple, everyday actions drained him of energy - getting dressed, brushing his teeth, taking a shower (he placed a chair in there for that purpose; it was pretty embarrassing, but the first time he tried to shower standing he got so dizzy he nearly blacked out, and _that_ would have been even more embarrassing). He didn't really feel pain of any kind - and for that, he was truly thankful; his body simply felt constantly numb and heavy, like the feeling you got in your leg when you sat on it for too long.

He even fell asleep in Blue's cockpit once, after dragging himself to her hangar to pay her a visit. He missed her badly - not to mention that he needed to thank her for saving his life. But apparently the walk to the hangar was too much for his weak body, because the minute he climbed into her cockpit all he could do was sprawl on the pilot seat and sleep through the entire afternoon. When he finally woke up, he was swamped with shame and apologized profoundly for spending their quality time on sleeping, but Blue didn't seem to take offense at that. She had even pushed Lance's seat back to a lying position while he was out of it, so he would be more comfortable.

She wanted him to do the procedure. He could feel that even in his sleep, as she purred reassuringly through their bond. _You are not replaceable. You are my paladin. I don't want anyone else._

He didn't want to leave her either. But he still couldn't shake the thought that lurked constantly in the corner of his mind, that he wasn't really worth anything without his powers, that he should keep them for the sake of the team.

_You don't need these powers. I accept you just the way you are._

_I know you do,_ he thought, smiling sadly. _But I'm not sure I do._

Lance also had very little appetite these days. Although Hunk has made it his personal project that Lance would gain back all the weight he had lost over the past two weeks, and went out of his way to make Lance's favorite dishes, the latter only managed to eat a few bites before he felt too full to continue, as if the chewing process alone was enough wear him out.

"Come on, man! You won't be able to recover at this rate!" Hunk protested every time he came to take Lance's plate and found it nearly untouched.

"Sorry buddy," Lance hummed, stifling a yawn. "I'll try harder next time, I promise."

Speaking of Hunk, he and Pidge have barely left Lance's side ever since he woke up. They both accompanied him during the few hours he spent awake each day, even when he didn't have the energy to take an active part in their activities, like when he silently watched them play Altean chess until his eyelids started to droop and he fell asleep on the couch.

They weren't particularly bothered by his passiveness, though. It seemed that they simply enjoyed his company, as if the fact that he was _there_ was enough to ease their minds. Every time Lance woke up from his slumber he found at least one of them hovering nearby, and the second they noticed he was awake they instantly rushed to his side and asked him if he was okay, if he needed anything, if he wanted something to eat. Lance did not exactly hate the attention, but he also found it a bit puzzling. Could it be that whenever Lance fell asleep, Hunk and Pidge feared that he would not wake up again? That he would stop breathing? And that was the reason they never let him out of their sight?

Lance could understand why Hunk felt that way - this guy was a mother hen, always too worried about everything and everyone. But the fact that Pidge was clinging to him as well was rather startling. Pidge was never a very social person - she usually preferred the company of her laptop or all the small, weird devices she programmed and tinkered with nonstop. She never had the patience to spend too much time with human beings - especially with Lance, who was always trying to distract her from work and ended up getting on her nerves until she screamed at him to fuck off and leave her alone.

But now? Now she practically forced Lance to sit with her every time she was working on a project, explaining every detail at length even though Lance barely understood what it meant and usually nodded off after a short while. And yet, every time he woke up, even if it was hours later, he would find the green paladin sitting in the exact same place, her face scrunched over her computer in concentration, completely unmoved by his lack of interest. One time she even fell asleep next to him, taking some of his blanket (he always found a blanket draped over him when he woke up) to herself. Lance wrinkled his forehead in confusion at the sight, but Pidge's small body was warm and he was always too cold these days, so he shrugged it off and snuggled closer to her, enjoying the warmth.

He assumed that this was her way of telling him that she cared. Considering her outburst back at the med bay, it actually made sense. He just wished he would have never made her feel so stressed and worried about him in the first place.

Coran also made sure to keep a close eye on Lance, even though he wasn't as clingy as Hunk and Pidge. He always greeted Lance cheerfully at the times he found the younger boy awake, asked for an elaborate description of how he was feeling (the answer was usually 'tired'), and offered him small comforts such as Altean thermal pouches, which kept their heat for more than half a quintent so that Lance could snuggle them during the night.

As for the rest of Lance's teammates, things were more... awkward. While Allura didn't exactly ignore him - she always acknowledged his presence and asked how he felt - there was always a glimpse of iciness in her eyes whenever she was talking to him, and she never stayed around to continue their conversation more than necessary. Although she didn't mention the procedure even once since their argument at the med bay, Lance knew she was still upset with him for not deciding to do it right away, and it was clear to him that she was waiting for a positive answer. However, he had no intention of providing one any time soon - not until he was well enough to have this argument again - so he just decided to leave it like that for the time being.

At least her relationship with Shiro seemed to get back to normal, as the two of them were no longer so tense around each other. Lance didn't know exactly how it happened (he'd most likely spent this time sleeping), he was simply happy that his friends weren't fighting because of him anymore.

Shiro also kept his interaction with Lance to a minimum, but it was different than Allura. Shiro's eyes were not cold nor upset when they rested on Lance; there was something else in them, something deeper, a blend of emotions which Lance had a hard time figuring out. But while Allura seemed to avoid Lance as much as possible, Shiro often lingered by - watching him wordlessly across the dining table, or sitting a few couches away from him, Hunk and Pidge while they were hanging in the common room, an unreadable expression on his face.

It bothered Lance a lot more than Allura's attitude, because Shiro has never been the passive-aggressive type - not with Lance, not with anyone. He was a straightforward guy who believed in putting everything on the table, and always lectured the other paladins about the importance of honestly and trust for their teambuilding. So why wasn't he telling Lance what was going on? Lance tried to analyze it, but it only made his head feel heavier.

Well, at least one person on the ship has made his intentions clear. Keith was definitely avoiding Lance on purpose, as if he could not bear to even share the same space with him. Every time Lance shuffled into a room and found Keith there, the red paladin would freeze in his spot, narrow his eyes at him, and exit the room without uttering a single word. He didn't talk to Lance even once since the latter woke up - not even to ask how he was feeling, like everyone else did. And in the few times Keith happened to be present when Lance spoke out loud, the muscles of his jaw would clench in irritation, but he remained silent. Lance started to forget what his voice sounded like.

He was used to Keith being pissed at him, but it hurt nonetheless, especially since Lance had absolutely no idea what he had done to anger him so much.

"What's his deal?" Lance scowled after it happened for the first time, watching the door Keith has just stormed out through in confusion.

Pidge quirked an eyebrow. "You really don't know?"

Lance frowned at the question. "Ah, no. Care to share?"

Pidge snorted and went back to her laptop. "Oh, _I'm_ not going to tell you."

"Seriously?" But Pidge only continued to type peacefully, humming to herself, so Lance turned to Hunk. "Hunk, help me out here."

Hunk shrugged and looked at Lance with a strange expression. "Sorry, man. He's just going through some stuff right now."

"What stuff? And what does it have to do with me?"

Hunk sighed. "Look, Lance, Keith is - he's not really good at dealing with his feelings, okay? He's still kinda messed up from everything that had happened, and... well, he's just being Keith. So... give him some time, will you?"

Lance was only more confused by Hunk's words. _Give him some time to do what?_ He wanted to ask, but the familiar numbness already started to spread through his body, and he was out cold again in less than a minute.

Things were complicated and confusing, but they will get better. They had to. He just needed to get better himself first. Then he could fix everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... nothing really happened in this chapter, lol. It was more of an interlude. But I think we all needed it after all the drama that went on the previous chapter :P I'd still love to hear your opinions on how Lance's teammates cope with his recovery though! Please take a minute to leave a comment!
> 
> Also, yes - I headcanon Lance as a heavy sleeper. I think it only makes sense - when you live with so many siblings in one house, you have to learn how to fall asleep with all the noise. I'm actually very jealous of him because of that - I'm a horribly light sleeper, every little thing wakes me up. X_X
> 
> Next chapter: Keith and Lance finally work through their issues. I hope to post this chapter by the weekend, but you know, life can always happen and stuff.


	6. Chapter 6

Keith walked through the empty halls, holding the water pouch he was drinking from in one hand while wiping his sweaty face with the other. He had no idea what time it was, but he assumed it was pretty late at night, and that most of the castle residents - if not all of them - have already gone to bed.

Keith himself spent very little time sleeping during the last weeks. No matter how much he tried to push his limits by training twice a day - each time for several hours - he just couldn't fall asleep the minute his head hit the pillow like he wished to. No, instead of finally letting his aching muscles relax he laid awake for hours, hunted by his own thoughts and the vivid images which danced across his tightly shut eyelids.

He knew he ought to collapse at some point if he kept going like this, but he didn't exactly have anything to do with his free time except for training, and at least there he got to give vent to his frustration by slicing some training bots open with his sword.

Keith finally reached the paladins' showers, and was just about to hang his towel on the wall and step into one of the stalls when he heard a nasty gurgling sound coming from far end of the room, where the toilets were placed.

He made his way there and peeked inside, only to find Lance hunched over one of the toilets. He was dressed in the black undersuit they all wore under their armor, and was emptying his guts into the toilet at a scary pace.

" _Lance!_ " Keith was at the blue paladin's side so quickly he didn't even recall getting there. He craned his neck to get a better look of Lance's face. It was pale and contorted in pain, and Lance seemed to be struggling to catch his breath between retches.

Keith felt panic rise up his throat. How could this happen? Lance's condition has improved greatly over the last couple of weeks. He was sleeping less, eating more, and had more energy in general with every passing day, gradually filling the castle again with his loud, cheerful rambling. How come there was a sudden regression in his state? Keith swallowed thickly, trying his best not to freak out. "Lance, talk to me," he urged. "Why are you in here? What happened?"

A thin string of bile hung from Lance's white lips. He made a feeble movement with his hand as if wanting to wipe it off, but then groaned and placed it on the toilet seat again, clutching it as if it was the only thing keeping him upright.

"Nothin' happened," he panted. "Just... made some really poor life choices..." he bowed down his head to rest it against the cool metal of the toilet seat, hiding his face from Keith.

Keith narrowed his eyes. "What did you do?" he demanded.

Lance flinched, either from the nausea or Keith's harsh tone, probably both. "I took Blue for a ride," he said in a strained voice. "We haven't flown in _ages_ , and I really missed her. Coran told me it was probably a bad idea... t-that my body's probably still too weak to handle all the jumps and turns and..." his head shot up suddenly, only to disappear again inside the toilet as another round of retches wrecked his body.

Keith released a long breath. The relief that washed over him was so overwhelming it made his legs weak. Lance was fine. He just got some motion sickness because he was dumb enough to try and pilot his lion without being physically up to it. He wasn't in danger. He wasn't going to die.

"I suppose you didn't listen to Coran," he said.

"No shit, Sherlock," Lance hissed. The vomiting started to die down as all he could manage now was dry heaves. He winced and wrapped one arm around his abdomen. "Told ya. Poor life choices."

"How did you even make it all the way here?" Keith asked. Those bathrooms weren't particularly far from the lions' hangars, but it was still quite a walk, especially for someone as sick as Lance.

Lance pressed his forehead to the toilet seat again, trying to fight off the dizziness. "Honestly," he murmured, "I have no idea. I just... really didn't want to throw up inside Blue. She was so excited about the flight, but I ruined everything and made her worry. Didn't want to make things even worse."

Keith's heart pinched. Although he wanted nothing more than to scream at Lance for his utter lack of responsibility, he couldn't help but be touched by Lance's concern for his lion, even in his poor state.

As always, this guy put everyone else's needs in front of his.

After making sure Lance was done puking, Keith got up and shook his bangs out of his eyes. "You need to put some fluids back in your system. Let me just fetch my water pouch, I left it in the showers." However, he didn't even make it one step before a clammy hand gripped his ankle with surprising force.

"Don't go," Lance croaked, raising his head with effort and staring straight at Keith. "I know I'm all smelly and gross but please, d-don't leave me here."

Keith could only stare back at him. Lance's eyes were wide and desperate, as if he was genuinely afraid that Keith would abandon him. He looked like a scared child. Keith hadn't seen him this fragile since -

His eye twitched for a brief moment, and he had to take a steadying breath to make it stop.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lance," he said in the mildest voice he could manage. "I'm just going to the other room to bring you some water, and then I'll be right back, okay? I won't leave until you feel better. I promise." He shook off Lance's grip without waiting for an answer and jogged towards the showers. He snatched the half-empty water pouch and hurried back to the toilets, sitting on the floor next to Lance and shoving the pouch into his hands. "Now drink. _Slowly._ We don't want you throwing up again."

Lance wrapped his shaky fingers around the pouch and brought it to his mouth, sucking on the straw in silence. He didn't take his eyes off Keith for a long minute.

Keith shifted in his place in discomfort. "What?" he muttered. "I already told you, I'm not going anywhere until you're better, so spare me the puppy eyes." he instantly wanted to kick himself for his harsh words, but Lance only chuckled weakly and leaned his head against the wall.

"I heard you," he said softly. "It's just... well, this is the first times you've talked to me since I woke up. Didn't know the only way to get your attention was to throw my guts up in the middle of the night."

 

Keith's heart sank. He did _not_ mean to have this conversation now, so late at night, surrounded by the rancid stench of vomit. He looked away from Lance and fixated his eyes on the white walls instead.

"Did you have enough water?" he asked flatly. "Do you feel like you can try and walk back to your room?"

"Keith, wait," Lance said, his tone becoming pleading. "Come on, you and Shiro have been acting super weird all this time, but at least Shiro _talks_ to me, and you just shut me out and no one's telling me what's going on - "

"Are you going to go in the pod? To do the procedure?" Keith cut him off.

Lance froze in his place. "What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"Are you?" Keith persisted, his irritation growing by the second.

"I - what - I hadn't decided yet, okay?!" Lance burst out. His hands started to shake again, crumpling the water pouch in anger. "So that's what this is all about? You're not talking to me because I refuse to just jump heads-on into a cryopod and have my quintessence all messed up again without thinking about it before? Well guess what, Allura is already giving me the stink eye for that on a daily basis, so I don't need it coming from you too!"

"Well, you're pretty good at doing things without thinking, so what's new?" Keith hissed. Lance's face fell at once, and Keith again found himself regretting his words. Quiznak, he couldn't do anything right, could he?

"Are you..." Lance started, his voice quivering in disbelief. "Are you mad at me for what I did? For saving Shiro's life?"

"What? Fuck, Lance, no," Keith's heart clenched at Lance's hurt expression. "How could I ever be mad at you for that? I'm just..." he felt his throat closing, unable to let out the words he has been holding for weeks. He groaned and pressed his fists to his eyes, feeling the exhaustion wash all over him at once. He wished nothing more than to crawl into his bed and sleep, but he knew he wouldn't be able to, no matter how drained he felt. Not before he made things right with Lance.

"Keith?" Keith heard Lance's worried tone and lowered his hands, sighing tiredly.

"I was so scared," Keith whispered. "Shiro was dying right in front of me, Lance. He was _dying_ and I couldn't do anything about it. And then you came and saved his life, but suddenly _you_ were the one who was dying, and once again, there was nothing I could do. There was so much shit going on and I just... I was completely _useless._ What kind of paladin does that make me, exactly?"

Someone who was not worthy of the title 'paladin', he thought bitterly. Someone who couldn't protect anyone, not even those he cared about the most - and just when he finally began to allow himself to care.

The reason he could no longer sleep was because every time he closed his eyes, his friends were dying in front of him all over again. But this time they were not saved at the last minute. This time they actually _died_ and all he could do was watch in horror and there was so much blood on his hands he thought he'd never be able to wash it off -

"Keith? You're kinda scaring me here," Lance's voice brought him back to reality once more. Keith jerked away, then took a deep breath to compose himself.

"I don't - it's - I don't get attached to people easily," he said with difficulty. "All my life, people whom I cared about ended up leaving me and I've never seen them again, so I just stopped caring at some point. But then I met Shiro. He was the first person I cared about after a very long time... until he was gone as well.

"I spent an entire year looking for him, because I wasn't ready to lose him too. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't bring him back. And just when I was starting to lose all hope of finding him and accept that he was gone, he came back and... well, you know the rest. It all happened so fast, I didn't even have the time to realize that I was part of a team now, that I'm not alone anymore, that there's a whole group of people who fight with me... and might actually get hurt because of my mistakes."

"You think Shiro was hurt because of _you_?" Lance asked in amazement.

Keith turned to the wall again, not wanting Lance to see how moist his eyes became all of a sudden. "I should have helped more," he said, his voice cracking. "I should have been able to stop Shiro's bleeding, l-like improvising a tourniquet or something. I should have been able to have his back so he wouldn't get shot in the first place - "

"Whoa, Keith, calm down - "

"This should never have come to you nearly scarifying your life for him!" Keith was yelling now, ignoring Lance's attempts to sooth him. "And it wasn't the first time you did something like that! Back on Arus, when the bomb went off - you just jumped to save Coran without thinking, and nearly died from the explosion! Damn it, Lance, you're my teammate and I want to protect you, but you don't even give me a chance! How the hell am I supposed to care about someone who doesn't care about himself?!"

"That's not true," Lance said, but his voice was uncertain.

"Oh, give me a break," Keith snarled. "If you did care you would have said yes to Allura a long time ago. But you think that you can just keep rushing into danger over and over again and throw your life away like it doesn't matter at all."

Lance frowned. "That's interesting, coming from a guy who always flies right into asteroid fields and black holes like he has some sort of death wish."

"This is different," Keith blurted out without thinking.

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Because - _arghhh!_ " Keith grabbed his hair in frustration and shot up to a standing position, pacing around the room restlessly. "Okay, I do reckless things from time to time, but only when I'm one hundred percent sure there's no other option - and when I do it I always intend to get out _alive_ , not sacrifice myself just to become a fucking martyr or something. I don't believe in this bullshit."

Lance leaned back again and bumped his head against the wall, looking even more worn out than before. "I'm not trying to be a martyr, Keith," he mumbled. "I just want to help the way I can."

Keith opened his mouth to yell at him again, but something in Lance's expression held him back. Lance no longer looked defiant or even hurt. He simply looked... _defeated_ , and that broke Keith's heart all over again. He sighed and settled back on the floor next to Lance.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean it like that. I know your intentions are good and you're not looking to be praised or anything... but sometimes good intentions are not enough. The group _needs_ you, Lance. _I_ need you, for god's sake." He drew a shaky breath. "I can't keep getting attached to people only to lose them in the end. It _sucks_ , living like this."

"Yeah," Lance agreed faintly. "But losing anyone else because I had the ability to save them but I didn't use it... it doesn't make much of a difference, does it?"

Keith bit his lip. "So everything I said did nothing to change your mind, huh?"

"Ah, no, it actually did." Keith's head shot back at Lance's direction. Lance was smiling now, albeit hesitantly. "I mean, all this healing stuff... at first I thought it was a blessing, but now I see just how messed up it can be. Like, _really_ messed up. If this is how it's going to go every time... well, I don't want to do it anymore."

Keith's heart skipped a beat. "So, you're going to...?"

"I'll go in the pod," Lance said tiredly, although his eyes were filled with warmth. "Sorry for all the stuff I made you go through, Keith. You don't deserve it. I'm actually kinda touched to hear how much you care about me. You're a... pretty good guy, minus your awful hair."

Something in Keith's chest finally loosened up, and his face broke into the first real smile he had in weeks, not even caring about the comment on his hair. "Thank you, Lance. I really appreciate it." He grimaced for a moment. "Also, sorry for shutting you out for so long. I just didn't know how to... I mean, I'm not very good at - "

"- at all the emotional stuff? Oh yeah, you're horrible at it," Lance said lightly, and Keith felt his ears grow hot. "Don't worry. We'll work on it. Just... maybe it'll be better to have our second bonding moment somewhere nicer than this?"

"Definitely." Keith suddenly froze. "Wait. Our _second_ bonding moment?"

"Well, of course, since this was our first..."

"No it _wasn't!_ " Keith bristled.

"Whoa, are you still giving me this whole 'I cradled you in my arms' crap? I already told you, Keith, you totally imagined that. Can't blame you, I'm known as a guy who has many people fantasizing about cradling him in their arms - "

Keith groaned. He could _feel_ his entire face go red like his lion. "You're the worst," he complained. But Lance already began to stand, swaying slightly in his place. Keith shot up and put an arm around Lance's waist, making the other boy laugh nervously. "Thanks, buddy. I'm fine, I really am. Just really need to get to my bed."

"You sure do," Keith said as the two of them shuffled slowly into the hall. Lance raised his own arm and wrapped it around Keith's shoulder. "Here, you got your cradling after all."

"No fun, you smell," Keith said.

"You too, in case you haven't noticed."

"At least I did something useful like training, not trying to pilot my lion while I'm half-dead."

"Details, details."

They kept bantering like this as they made their way through the empty halls. Lance looked more lively as he laughed at his own jokes, some color finally returning to his cheeks, but Keith was still reluctant to let go of him. And it wasn't only because he was afraid Lance would collapse if he did.

Finally, they were at Lance's door, and Lance gently wriggled himself out of Keith's grip.

"Are you going to be okay on your own? Do you want me to stay with you?" Keith asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Lance shook his head. "I'm okay. Just tired. I'm serious," he said in emphasis as he caught Keith's skeptical expression. "Come on, I'll see you in the morning. Now go wash that mullet of yours already."

Keith scowled. "Fine. But if something happens - "

"- I'll call you on the hand comm, I swear," Lance rolled his eyes. Then, his expression softened. "Keith?"

"Yes?"

Lance raised a hand to scratch his neck. "Remember how I said you were horrible at all the emotional stuff? Well... that came out wrong. I know it was probably really hard for you to talk about everything that had happened. So... I just wanted to say I'm sorry, again. And if you ever feel like talking some more..." he shrugged. "You know where to find me."

Keith smirked, trying to hide just how much he was touched by Lance's words. "Hopefully not throwing up in the toilet."

"Oh, no, I don't want to do _that_ ever again."

"Who's been throwing up in the toilet?" Lance and Keith both jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of a third voice. Shiro was standing behind Keith, his arms crossed over his chest.

" _W-what the quiznak, Shiro?!_ " Lance screeched, leaning heavily on the door to steady himself. "How long have you been standing there?!"

"What are you doing awake at this hour?" Keith blurted out.

Shiro quirked an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same question."

Keith flinched, his gaze dropping to the floor. "We um... we were just talking."

"A-ha," Lance echoed, nodding a bit too enthusiastically. "Good talk, Keith."

"Sounds like it _was_ a good talk," Shiro said in amusement. "I take it that things are better now between you two?"

"Yeah, you can say that," Lance smiled sheepishly.

"Lance decided to do the procedure," Keith said.

"Oh, really?" Shiro kept his tone mild, although he did not miss how the smile vanished from Lance's lips, nor the shadow that crossed his face for a second. "That's... that's good to hear. Congratulations, Lance."

"Yeah," Lance said flatly. Shiro looked at him for a few more moments, then turned to Keith. "Alright then. Keith, do you mind if I have a word with Lance?"

Keith's eyes widened in surprise. "Ah, sure. I was going to take a shower anyway."

"Okay. Have a good night." Keith lingered on for a minute, his gaze shifting from Shiro to Lance. Then, he turned around and walked at the direction of the showers. A newfound weariness started to creep into his aching limbs, but it was a good kind of weariness, one that bore a promise for a long and dreamless sleep later on. God, how he missed that.

Things were still messed up for him; he knew he shouldn't expect all his fears and anxieties to go away at once. But he was already starting to feel better. They were all going to feel so much better once Lance did the procedure and all of this was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *emerges from a dark hole with a gasp* remind me not to write something so diaoulge-heavy ever again. God, this chapter was a paiiiiiin. I had to rewrite it multiple times until I was satisfied. Why can't those damn dialouges write themselves! :P
> 
> Anyway, please tell me what you think! Next chapter will be the last, and will feature another heart-to-heart talk, this time between Lance and Shiro. So brace yourselves, we are yet to get off this emotional rollercoaster!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are your feels ready? Good. Let's finish this.

Lance was _exhausted_. This night has been way too eventful for his taste, and he really didn't have the strength to have another heart-to-heart conversation. So, whatever it was that Shiro wanted from him, he truly hoped it would be short.

Shiro probably noticed his weariness, as he said, "You know, we can talk tomorrow if you're not up to it."

"What?" Lance jumped in his place, then shook his head feverishly. "No, I'm good." He had never been really able to say no to Shiro. "Let's um... go inside?"

"Sounds great," Shiro said and followed Lance into his bedroom. As soon as they were inside, Lance hurried to the bed and picked up the messy bundle of blankets tossed over there, shoving it into one of the his drawers. "Sorry, wasn't expecting any guests..." he joked lamely.

Shiro settled on the bed, completely oblivious to the mess. "Are you feeling okay, Lance? You're a little pale."

"Oh, no, don't worry about that. I took Blue for a ride earlier, and got kinda motion sick. It was dumb of me to do it in my condition, I know," Lance added quickly as he caught Shiro's furrowed brow, hoping to spare himself another lecture. "Won't happen again. I swear."

Shiro seemed to relax at his statement. "I'm glad to hear that. So, Keith said you were going to do the procedure?"

"Yep." Lance tried to keep his tone even as he fussed around the room in attempt to tidy up, not really looking at the other man.

"Mind if I ask what made up your mind?" Shiro asked.

Lance shrugged, throwing some dirty socks which were scattered on the floor into his laundry basket. "I just realized how upset it made everyone. Also, we can't afford to be down a paladin for so long every time I heal someone. So I decided this can't go on anymore. That's basically it."

Shiro nodded, looking thoughtful. "Okay. That makes sense. But are you absolutely sure you want to do this? It's a big change, after all."

Lance froze mid-tidying and turned to look at Shiro. His face remained as unreadable as it was over the last couple of weeks, and Lance felt anger starting to bubble inside him. Was Shiro trying to talk him out of doing the procedure? After everyone has worked so hard to convince Lance to do it? What could he possibly want from him now?

His exasperation must have been noticeable, because Shiro's expression suddenly softened. "I'm not saying this to confuse you, Lance, and as I said before, I definitely think you should do it. But I don't think you're entirely happy with this decision. I think that deep down, you know it's the right thing to do, but something is still holding you back. Am I wrong?"

Lance's shoulders dropped, all his anger fading away. Only a moment ago he was ready to yell at Shiro to leave him alone and stop analyzing him, but now he felt too drained to do so, as if all the air was sucked out of him at once.

Lance walked to the bed and sank heavily next to Shiro, his head bowed down. "I..." he swallowed, looking for the right words. "I know I should give up my powers, because in the long run, it will be the best thing for the team. I get that, I really do. But... it really sucks to give up something which is kinda your thing, you know?" he snorted bitterly. "Especially when it's pretty much your _only_ thing."

"What do you mean?" Shiro inquired.

"What - oh, come on, you know what I mean!" Lance threw his arms in the air in frustration. "I haven't exactly been contributing to the team in any way before I got my powers, have I? Not like everybody else did. Pidge and Hunk are so smart it's scary, they always come up with all these useful technological hacks that nobody understands except for them; Keith may be a hothead with a stupid haircut, but he's the best pilot and strongest warrior I've ever seen; you're our leader, the head of Voltron, so I don't even have to explain why _you're_ important; and Coran and Allura, well, they operate the castle and basically save our asses time after time. But I..."

He had nothing to offer. He wasn't the brain, nor the muscle; his shooting abilities were decent at best and did nothing more than to keep the enemy distracted until the someone else, someone stronger and better than Lance, could finish the job.

"I'm not very good at... at anything, really," Lance whispered, clenching his hands into fists. "My grades at the Garrison were totally average. I only got to be a fighter pilot because Keith got kicked out. This whole healing thing... it may be messed up, but at least it is _some_ sort of talent nobody else has. With that, I can do things that really matter. Once - once it's gone I'll be back to being the useless goofball no one ever takes seriously. So yeah, I'm going to do it, because I've already promised Keith and I'm _not_ the kind of guy who breaks his promises, but excuse me for not dancing on the rooftops from joy, okay?!"

A long, heavy silence hung between the two of them after Lance finished talking. He hoped to feel some sort of relief after he got everything out of his system, but that didn't happen. He did not feel particularly worse, either. He just felt... hollow.

After what seemed like eternity, Shiro spoke. "If there's one thing I can guarantee you, Lance, is that there isn't a single person on this ship who doesn't take you seriously. Haven't you noticed how worried everyone is about you?"

Lance grunted. "Well, of course, because I nearly died and stuff, but on a normal day - "

"Do you think you have to nearly die for people to take you seriously?"

Lance shrugged at the question, keeping his gaze fixated on his feet.

He heard Shiro sigh beside him. "I guess it's time to tell you what happened during those two weeks you were unconscious."

Lance's shoulders tensed in attention, but he remained silent.

Shiro kept talking. "The whole atmosphere around here was... not pleasant, to say the least. This castle has never been too noisy, considering it only has seven residents, but with you missing, the silence was almost unbearable. Everybody just kind of... shut down, you know? And I'm not just talking about Keith. We could all be sitting in the same room for hours and not say a word to each other, and when we finally did, we'd usually just snap at each other for the silliest things. I remember Hunk telling Pidge one day that he had lost her headphones, and she... well, you should've heard how she screamed at him, Lance. It was a full-blown tantrum. She said that they were _your_ headphones, because you used them to listen to music every night, and that if he didn't find them until you woke up she'd never forgive him. You know how Pidge can be sometimes, but _this_... I've never seen her like this, Lance. Nearly losing you has really taken its toll on her, on all of us. It's been really depressing without you around."

Lance couldn't hold back a grimace. He knew Shiro was trying to make him feel better, but somehow his words only deepened his misery. His friends have been hurting so much because of him. It was like he couldn't do anything right.

As if reading his thoughts, Shiro said, "Don't blame yourself for this, Lance. You only tried to do what's right. But what is _truly_ right for our team to have you by our side, to have you support us and cheer us up and keep us sane like only you can do. You can call it 'being a goofball', you can call it whatever you want - it doesn't change the fact that _this_ is the sort of special talent no one else has. This is who you are, and we all love you for that - we don't need you to have healing powers to prove us your worth, because you already have.

"You are not replaceable, Lance. You are the glue that keeps this team together, and without you, we will fall apart for sure. I know that, because I've already seen it happen. We were really lucky for not having to form Voltron during those weeks, because if we did, there was no way we could have done it - even if we found someone else to pilot the blue lion, like Allura or Coran. Having all its limbs intact isn't enough for Voltron; it also needs a heart. Without it, it's worth nothing."

Lance's heart was beating faster and faster as he was listening to Shiro. A wave of mixed emotions washed over him, so overwhelming he found it hard to keep sitting straight. Was this true? Was the team this helpless without him? Lance would have never believed it until now, but a glint of hope sparked inside his chest, slowly spreading away and filling him with warmth.

All he ever wanted was to make his friends happy. And if what Shiro was saying was true - if he was succeeding in making them happy even without being particularly smart or strong - well, maybe he wasn't so useless after all.

Maybe there was a reason for keeping him on the team other than his healing powers.

"Lance?" Shiro asked gently.

Lance's head shot up and he coughed awkwardly. "S-sorry. I was just thinking about what you said." He took a breath. "It was... nice."

"Well, I meant every word," Shiro crossed his arms. "Oh, and I forgot to mention - you're a pretty damn amazing sharpshooter."

Lance flinched. "What? No, come on - I'm really not that - "

"You _are._ " Shiro said with emphasis, giving Lance one of his famous 'dad' looks - the one that could shut people up at any situation. "I honestly have never seen you miss a target, Lance. Your sniping skills have saved us in countless battles - you can definitely add it to the 'special talents list'. This is a direct order from your leader."

Lance laughed shakily. "Well I guess I don't have much of a choice."

"Not in this, kiddo." Shiro's face softened. "But seriously, I hope you finally understand why you're a such valuable member of this team. And that you keep it in mind when you go and do the procedure."

Lance felt his lips curl into a smile - not a forced or apologetic smile, but a genuine, _happy_ smile, the kind he hadn't put on for ages. It almost hurt his face, but in a good way.

"I understand," he said. "I didn't until now, but now I do. Thanks, Shiro. For... making things clear for me. I really needed that."

Shiro smiled back. "You're welcome." He cleared his throat. "Also... sorry for not making it clear earlier. I know I've been distant for a while, and you didn't deserve it. I just didn't really know how to speak with you after everything that happened. A little like Keith, I suppose."

Lance rubbed his neck. "Nah, that's okay. We were all pretty fucked up after this."

"Yeah," Shiro murmured. He looked at Lance, his eyes filled with emotion. "Also, I don't think I got to say it yet  - thank you for saving my life, Lance. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

Lance blushed. "You're welcome?" he laughed nervously. "Okay, seriously, we need to stop with all this touchy-feely stuff. I think I had enough bonding moments for one night."

Shiro frowned, but the twitch of his lip gave away his amusement. "As you wish," he said, rising to a stand. "It's time for you to go to bed anyway."

"Fine, _dad_ ," Lance said with a dramatic eye roll, and Shiro chuckled. "How about you tell everyone about your decision first thing in the morning?" he suggested.

Lance nodded. "Sounds good. Allura's probably going to be thrilled. I bet she wants to slap me already for not making up my mind."

"I wouldn't go that far, but yes, she has been pretty anxious for you to decide."

Lance hesitated. "Allura and you... you're good now, right?"

Shiro signed. "Yes, we are. Don't worry about that. It took me a while to convince her I didn't mean what I said - sometimes she can be even more stubborn than Keith. But in the end, she understood where it came from."

Lance blinked. "And where did it come from, if I may ask?"

Shiro glanced down at his prosthetic arm, flexing the mechanical fingers. It was a long minute before he spoke again. "The Galra didn't ask me if I wanted an alien arm or not," he said quietly. "They just implanted it in me by force. I couldn't bear the thought of you going through the same experience, even if it's for a good cause. That is why I wanted you to reach this conclusion on your own."

Lance's heart skipped a beat. He had never heard Shiro talk about his arm - no one ever dared to ask him about it, and Shiro himself didn't seem too keen on volunteering information on his own. It was just another limb, something they have all been used to by now. Lance has never really bothered to ask himself how Shiro felt about it.

Would Shiro give it up if he had the chance to have his human arm back? The question nearly escaped Lance's lips, but he stopped himself at the last second. Shiro will never be able to have his arm back no matter what, so there was really no point in asking, and Lance didn't want to sadden him further. So he put on a crooked grin and said, "No matter what you do, you'll never be like the Galra, I can promise you that. But thanks for looking out for me anyway."

Shiro smiled back. "I'll always look out for you. Goodnight, Lance."

"Goodnight, Shiro."

**

Lance stumbled out of the pod right into Hunk's waiting arms. "Hey man," he mumbled, blinking tiny bits of cryo out of his eyes. He let Hunk guide him to sit on the stairs and raised his head to see all of his friends standing around him. They were all grinning from ear to ear.

Lance smiled back tentatively. "So... I guess it worked?"

"According to the pod's reading, yes," Coran said cheerfully. "You quintessence is one hundred percent clean of healing qualities. How do you feel?"

"Um..." Lance wrinkled his forehead. "I don't know. I feel normal? I mean... it's not really different from how I felt before."

"Then we'll have to check for sure," Keith said, stepping forward.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Pidge asked, but Keith has already drew out his knife and ran the blade across his palm, deep enough to draw a thin line of blood (but apparently not enough to make him flinch or acknowledge the pain in any way, judging by his indifferent expression).

Everybody squawked in shock. "Dude, what the hell?! You can't just cut yourself like this!" Hunk cried, but Keith ignored him. He walked straight to Lance and held his palm in front of his face. "Try to heal me."

Lance gulped nervously, then took a deep breath and pressed his palm to Keith's. He closed his eyes, concentrating hard for a few moments. Nothing happened. He tried again, his face flushed with effort, but not a single spark of blue light appeared below his palm.

Lance opened his eyes with a gasp and let go of Keith's hand. "Nothing," he panted. "Healer Lance is no more."

"Alright!" Pidge punched the air in victory while the others cheered as well. "I like Normal Lance _way_ better than Healer Lance."

"We all do," Allura said, her eyes filled with warmth. "Thank you for doing that, Lance. We're all relieved to have you back to normal."

"We sure are," Shiro said and ruffled Lance's hair. "You did the right thing, kiddo."

Lance ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "I know," he said sheepishly.

"Um, Keith?" Hunk said. "You should probably go bandage that hand. There's blood all over the floor."

"Oh." Keith stared at his bleeding palm with a frown, as if noticing it for the first time. "Okay." He turned to the far end of the room where the first aid kits were stored, not before he caught Lance's eye and gave him a short nod. Lance returned the nod with a tiny smile.

He knew he just sacrificed something special; something he would never be able to gain back, no matter how much he wanted to. But he also knew there were other things that made him special, that made him a valuable member of the best team he could ever ask for. And that - that was enough to heal him from whatever came in their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a sappy ending, YOU get a sappy ending, everybody gets a sappy ending!!! *throws confetti at ya'll*
> 
> This things is finally done! I'm extremely proud of myself for writing a multi-chapter fic - it's something I've never imagined I'd be able to pull off. There were a few bumps along the way, but all in all, I'm happy with the conclusion of this story (even though I almost gave myself diabetes writing this :P)
> 
> I deeply thank everyone who had commented, bookmarked or left kudos. It really motivated me (yes, sometimes I need a confidence boost as well, not only Lance...). I'm eager to hear what you think of this ending though! Please don't be shy!
> 
> And one last thing. I've already started working on a new one-shot for my "Lance & Buddies" series . I haven't written anything for it in a long time, and that is definitely not okay. It should be on the more humorous side, but who knows, maybe I'll decide to be evil again. :P Anyway, this should come sometime soon!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! I would love it if you drop a comment. See you in a few days! :D


End file.
